“He said he hated it — but he had just cum in about 30 seconds, so….?” One of my friends had just had run into a not uncommon situation. Her boyfriend had been interested in trying a little butt stuff and, well, it worked. One finger was it all it took for him to orbiting away pretty damn fast — but after, he claimed that he hadn’t enjoyed it all. Welcome to the conflicted world of Straight Men and Their Prostates.
The prostate, the P-spot, that little gem — accessed from the rear — can cause a lot of pleasure and also a lot of confusion. So I have a message for straight men out there: Your prostate is great. And loving it doesn’t make you gay. Seriously, it’s time to chillllll out about the fact that you like some stuff up your butt from time-to-time.
Some enlightened straight men have already embraced the joy of a P-spot. Maybe they give themselves a prostate massage, maybe they have their partner do it, maybe they’ve tried pegging. But others still feel awkward and uncomfortable about the whole ass play situation. Here’s why you need to get the eff over it.
It’s science, man
You want to know why it feels good when things go up your butt? SCIENCE. Firstly, you have a lot of nerve endings around your butt. That’s just a fact. That’s why the area is sensitive, why it can feel good before anything even goes inside. Those nerve endings make it incredibly pleasurable and a great erogenous zone.
Then there’s the prostate itself. It feels effing great, so I’m told. So great, in fact, that there are genuine scientific articles dedicated to the prostate orgasm — and orgasm that you can get just through prostate stimulation. This isn’t something unique to you. Fingers in butts, toys in butts, pegging, or a well-done prostate massage can work wonders for a lot of men.
Of course, I don’t want to paint everyone with a prostate as homogenous. Just as some women prefer more clit play or less nipple play or whatever works for them, there are, of course, men out there who aren’t going to get as much from prostate stimulation or may even not like it — everyone is different. But there’s a huge difference from not enjoying the physical sensation and feeling uncomfortable with the fact that you enjoy how it feels. If you fit into the latter category, then you need to do some thinking about what reductive societal bullshit you’ve internalized — and the pleasure it’s keeping you from experiencing.
Fun fact — a lot of straight dudes who “don’t like butt stuff” when it comes to themselves very much expect their female partners to be into butt stuff. Funny, that. Women don’t have a prostate, but many men still expect us to explode spontaneously with desire at the mention of butt sex. And some of us do because, despite the lack of prostate, we have those aforementioned nerve endings that still can make the whole experience feeling pretty effing amazing (when done correctly, of course — don’t skimp on the lube).
But the idea that a man can expect that a woman — sans prostate — will definitely love a whole dick up her butt while the idea of a finger up his makes him completely uncomfortable is just counterintuitive and ridiculous. Apparently, gay men and all women are supposed to love it, but for some reason, straight men don’t? Your prejudice is showing, sorry guys.
It’s 2019, Dude
Finally: WHO THE EFF CARES IF GAY MEN ALSO LIKE BUTT STUFF. Are you seriously worried you’re going to look a little gay? Are you worried you’re going to catch gay through a woman’s finger in your butt? And also — what’s wrong with being gay? It’s 2019, how are we seriously still having this conversation? Maybe it’s just society, maybe you’re uncomfortable with some buried-down bicuriosity, maybe you’re just a bigot, but if you’re uncomfortable because a sexual act that you enjoy seems a little bit too much like something a gay guy might enjoy, then you need a long, hard look in the mirror.
But, if you are going to be a bigot, why is it just butt stuff that “seems a bit gay”? Yes, gay men have anal sex — some gay men do, at any rate. But they also kiss and give hand jobs and blow jobs and everything else. Yet none of that makes you gay? What is so particularly emasculating about the butthole that makes people so uncomfortable? Surely the biggest fear about anal play is actual human poop rather than, you know, gay cooties.
The truth is, go on with your internalized homophobia if you want — as long as you’re not spouting it out and hurting anyone around you, it makes no real difference to me if you get weird around butt stuff. But you’d be doing yourself a favor to get over it. You have a prostate ready for playing and it can feel in-fucking-credible. So it may be time to look at what’s stopping you.
Originally posted on Bellesa Collective