A photo of a man purposing in the middle of wedding has lead to an internet explosion on Reddit, Twitter and more. Basically, the internet hates it. Like really hates it. So much show that Jezebel published a piece asserting that “people who believe that they have the right to do whatever they want because we live in America and if you want to get married there’s no more romantic place to ask than right before dessert during someone else’s wedding. These people are ill-mannered and ill-bred. These people are gigantic dicks.”
Ill-bred? Wow. Really? Is that something we’re saying these days? Come on now, I get the hyperbole of the article and yes, it’s horribly entitled behavior. Yes, it might just be a massive d*ck move. But here’s the thing: either this guy is a massive d*ck, in which case no amount of internet vitriol is going to change him, or he’s just a normal person that effed the eff up, in which case maybe he shouldn’t be the latest worst person ever on the INTERNET. Maybe we don’t need hundred of comments and tweets (I’m not going to repost them here, it feels dirty) about how terrible he is. Maybe he feels bad enough as it is.
There’s a different between self-centered and being malicious. And it’s not like he’s the first person who’s done this, it’s something I could actually imagine quite of a few of my friends and family doing. Yes in most cases it’s cringe-y, frustrating, and surely we’d all bury our face in our hands groaning “Whyyyyyyy?”. But even if it was my friend upstaging my wedding I would feel absolutely horrified if a fraction of this spite and hatefulness was begin thrown around as a response.
What do we really think was behind it? Do we really think “that best-case scenario your proposal is a premeditated attack, worst-case it really is a spontaneous decision which means you haven’t thought very much about it and it actually doesn’t mean anything which is even more upsetting and useless”? Because if you’re planning a “premeditated attack” on a wedding, there are way better options than a proposal. I don’t think anyone was sitting, wringing their hands and cackling, thinking “I’ve got just the ticket to ruin this wedding… *squinty eyes*… more love“. Look, I’m about the least romantically inclined person out there, and as much as I want to roll my eyes at the idea of being so overcome with love at a wedding you just need to propose, but I still think we need to calm the eff down.
I agree with a lot of the Jezebel article’s reasoning— it’s someone else’s day, an expensive day, and you’re making the day all about you. I absolutely agree that it’s a bad move, that even if you got permission from the bride and groom, chances are it was given begrudgingly. But maybe it wasn’t. Maybe, shocker, some people feel that other people’s happiness doesn’t detract from their own. Maybe celebration isn’t finite. Even if it is upstaging, maybe that doesn’t warrant taking down a proposal and a wedding and boiling them both down to a bunch of internet hate. Maybe these events are supposed to be some of the happiest moments for these four people, and maybe they don’t deserve this internet circus as an albatross. If a cynic like me can see that, I think it’s time we all just back off.
Originally posted on Bustle