Sexual discussion can be a tricky business. It’s an awkward thing to talk about, to ask for things you want, because as soon as you do it implies that you weren’t enjoying it enough the way your partner was doing it. And it’s such a personal, loaded area— feeling like you’re not satisfying your partner in bed can completely wreck people. We should learn not to take things too seriously. Everyone has preferences and it can take a while to learn those. My most fulfilling sexual partnerships have been when there’s been a lot of open discussion about what we like and don’t like, with no one taking it too much to heart. But it requires everyone being open to trying new things.
Honestly, I think everyone should try everything once in bed, because you never know what’s going to be your thing. I’m not saying you should keep doing things that you don’t enjoy, that’s awful. As long as you’re both willing to talk and try new things, you should always be able to find some common ground. In hetero relationships a lot of women need to be bold about asking for what they want, and the men need to balls up and not be afraid to give some new things a go. Here are seven things every grown-ass man should be willing to try in bed.
1. Going Down On You
“I’m not like other guys, I love going down on you.” — 90 Percent of Guys
Seriously this has been said to me so many times. Why do we act like guys don’t enjoy this? I know there is the rare one that doesn’t, but here’s the thing: I don’t even like having it done that much, unless the guy is really good at, but most guys just want to be down there all the time. So if you haven’t given it a go, try it, because you’ll probably love it.
2. Role Play
I don’t mean you have to go all out with costumes and funny voices, but a little bit of role play can be fun and silly and sexy all at once. Yes, we know it’s ridiculous. Everyone knows that. Get over yourself and go with it.
3. Anal Play
Most guys are really into anal play on a girl, but I think every guy should relax and have it done to him. It’s not something that I particularly love doing, but I’ve done it on request, and the guys who ask for it love it. They go nuts. So those who are unsure (or have some latent homophobia going on), remember you have a prostate too. The ones who like it seem to be having so much fun that I really think all guys should try it once.
4. Lights On
Maybe it’s because I live in the shyest country in the world, but I love good old sex with all the lights on sometime. Or in the day. Whatever. Just balls up and let’s look at each other! It’s really sexy. Really sexy.
5. Dirty Talk
I know it’s not for everyone, but I really love dirty talk. So you should give it a go once and see if it’s for you. But make sure you reciprocate— I dated a guy who loved me doing dirty talk, and requested it, but he made no words (or noise) himself, ever. I felt like I was narrating the sex. It’s a two-way street, people.
6. (Light) Bondage
I’m not saying hardcore BDSM, but a little bit of tying up and power play can be so hot, so you need to see if it’s your thing. You don’t need handcuffs or anything (although they’re fun) a scarf or a tie can work as a blindfold or around the wrists. You’ll figure it out.
7. The Woman Being in Control
This is very, very important. I was once with a guy who basically wanted to control everything, all the time, even when I was on top. And I’m someone who likes being submissive in bed, but even for me it was a deal breaker. You at least need the option. Stop trying to prove something, and let me take over for a second.
Originally posted on Bustle