I effing love boobs. Really. I love other girl’s boobs and I love my own— they’re pretty much the only part of my body that make me feel sexy and confident, and if I’m late to meet you it was probably because I was playing with them. So I was especially interested in Elle‘s first ever Boob Survey, which got over 7,000 responses. And what did we learn? Well for one, 40 percent of women have considered breast augmentation, which I thought was really high. Also, apparently 69 percent of us have found a strapless bra floating down our ribcage. Really? Only 69 percent? I’m pretty sure if this question was limited to people who have actually worn a strapless bra it would be 100 percent because strapless bras are about as useful as a resealable Oreo container— what kind of sick monster can eat only some of the Oreos? Although, seriously, if anyone has found a working strapless bra, send it my way. Other surprises were that 16 percent of us have made our boyfriends try on bras just for gits and shiggles (I confess I have a picture of a guy I used to hook up with playing guitar in my underwear somewhere in my photos… and I mean that in the least sexy way possible).
What made me sad was that apparently 29 percent of us have used toilet paper to make our boobs look bigger, while 30 percent have used sports bras to make our boobs look smaller. Be happy with your boob size! All boobs are great— own them. Which brings me to my last surprise, only 11 percent of us named them, which is a shame, especially as the options are endless. Here are some of my favorites:
1. Batman and Robin
I’m pretty sure my boobs are the greatest super heroes of all time. They are certainly my heroes.
2. Paris and Nicole
Who doesn’t need a little ’90s throwback? Especially relevant if they’re constantly getting you into wacky, TV-worth dilemmas.
3. Mary-Kate and Ashley
A little bit classier of an option. If you happened to be the one woman in the world with identical breasts, this may be the nickname for you.
4. Lucy and Ethel
If your ladies are really a classic combo, Lucy and Ethel is the way to go. Especially if you’ve ever filled them with chocolates after a conveyer belt nearly ruined you (who hasn’t?).
5. Rodgers and Hammerstein
This came with the perfect rationale: “Because they make me sing.” I would have gone with Lerner and Lowe, but I like your attitude.
6. Thelma and Louise
Yes. What better name for your boobs than two very different ladies, but both kick-ass in their own way, who complement each other perfectly?
7. Ben and Jerry
Delicious ice cream? Your best friend? Sounds like a good name for them. I will also accept your favorite flavor of Ben and Jerry’s as an acceptable name.
8. John and Paul
What are we talking about? Apostles? Beatles? Maybe one holy man and one guitar player? I don’t judge.
9. Biggie and Smalls
This was a suggestion by Elle, and is the best one because we all have this problem. (Although mine seem to swap size, is that a normal thing? Anyone?)
10. David and Goliath
The same idea, but must a little more dramatic. Sometimes one is so big and perfect it feels like the other doesn’t have a chance…
Originally posted on Bustle