Cheating happens, like a lot. Like, more than we want t admit a lot. But why do people cheat? There’s this really reductive (and sexist) way of looking at cheating where a lot of people just say “Oh, men cheat because they love sex and they want to have it with everyone.” Well, lots of people love sex. No matter what your gender. I certainly love sex, even with my vagina and everything. And honestly I’m not a 100 percent convinced by the whole monogamy forever thing in general, but when I choose to be in a monogamous relationship, I’m all for it, because that’s part of the social contract I’ve entered into.
So I think it’s really overly simplistic to just say “loving banging” as a reason people cheat. There’s a lot more to it, and a lot of dynamics at play that have nothing to do with sex. In fact, if you find out someone is cheating, you should look at a lot more than just your sex life if you’re trying to figure out why. There are so many different explanations, we looked at Reddit and found 10 different reasons people cheat (although I’m sure there are many more). I’m not saying any of these are good reasons, I’m just saying this is why, from the horse’s mouth. Take a look, it’s pretty fascinating stuff:
1. They Took Each Other For Granted
This happens in so many relationships, although I wouldn’t say it normally escalates to cheating. But it’s a good reminder to make some special time together, don’t just treat each other like roommates.
2. It’s Was A Perfect Storm And They Couldn’t Get Out
A common theme was a lack of emotional maturity mixed with a bad relationship. Especially a relationships that should have obviously ended long before. Break ups are awful, but they’re less awful than the acting out and self-hatred cycle of cheating.
3. They Let Things Get Out of Hand
It’s totally normal to have a good flirt, even when you’re in a relationship. You don’t stop being attracted to other people. But don’t let one thing lead to another while you keep kidding yourself about what’s going on…
4. They Weren’t Ready to Settle Down
It’s completely OK to be in a place where you want to play the field and experiment a little bit, but then stay single! I have a friend who chronically cheats on his girlfriends, like all the time, but he always seems to have a girlfriend. Why not just be single?
5. Their Sex Life Died
OK, I didn’t say it couldn’t be a reason, I just said it’s definitely not the only reason. As we can see people can use a lack of sexual fulfillment as a way to rationalize cheating. It happens a lot. I would say there’s more at play than that, but it’s definitely a factor.
6. They Tried To Beat Their Partner To The Punch
I completely understand the instinct to be the one that messes things up before it happens to you, but it’s ultimately really childish. I bet it’s a fairly common one though.
7. Because They Thought They Could
There’s a horrible narcissistic “I think I deserve better” streak that a lot of us have. It can get you into a lot of trouble, even more so if you’re convinced you can get away with it.
8. They’re Not Really Sure Why
There’s not always a simple cause and effect happening. A lot of people might be seeking out affection they’re not getting at home, but it’s rarely that simple. Sometimes you need to do a lot of soul searching to sort out why you did something.
9. They Were Seeking Solace
This was another really common theme. When a relationship has gone bad, or even abusive, you find comfort somewhere else and that often turns into something more than friendship. It’s easy to see how that could happen.
10. They’re Acting Out Their Own Sh*t
Some people have a lot of emotional baggage and are really self-involved in how they act it out. It’s horrible to be in a dark place, but there can also be something really self-centered in how that manifests, where you don’t care about hurting other people because you’re going through a rough time. Yes, there are some sociopaths out there who don’t give a crap. But it’s important to remember that sometimes (or often) people who cheat deeply unhappy themselves.
Originally posted on Bustle