We’ve all had that friend, just come off a big relationship and a terrible breakup who suddenly meets someone he or she manically insists is “the one” after only a date or two. But how do you know if it’s a rebound relationship? Everyone knows what’s happening. And it’s awkward as hell, because it’s really hard to have to break it to someone that they’re rebounding. Which it shouldn’t be, because everybody does it. I went on a date with a guy who was single for the first time in 10 YEARS but was insisting he wasn’t going through any rebound at all and loved being single, as he twitched and played with his watch obsessively… right.
I get why we don’t like to admit, we want to be so sure that something new and better and exciting, but just as real has come along. But sometimes it hasn’t— sometimes this new thing isn’t life-changing, but it’s a good time, or sometimes we’re still too hung up on somebody else to have any more than a fling. And that’s fine— have some fun and enjoy it for what it is. But that means knowing, and admitting,what it is. So we talked to relationship expert Lori Bizzoco from Cupid’s Pulse about what rebounding looks like and what you can do about it. She told Bustle:
“The biggest sign that you are in a rebound relationship is if you feel like you are constantly missing your ex. Naturally, you will miss your past partner, especially if it was a long-term relationship and you both had plans for the future, but there is a big difference between occasionally thinking about your ex vs. obsessing over him. If you are constantly trying to figure out ways to get back together or if you cannot stop texting, Facebook stalking or even talking about your ex, even though you are dating someone new, then it is highly likely you’re new guy or girl is just a rebound.”
Sound familiar? It may sound pretty obvious, but it’s amazing how much we are willing to kid ourselves about what’s going on sometimes, especially when it comes to admitting whether or not we’re over someone. And it’s fine if you’re not, it’s just good to be realistic with yourself about what’s going on.
So what happens if you find yourself in the middle a rebound? I’ve got you covered:
1. Take Time To Figure Out What You Want
One of the most important things is to realize what you’re doing and make sure everyone involved is OK with it, which means you may need a bit of thinking time. Lori says, “If you are in a new relationship and feel it might be a rebound you need to take a day or two to step back and spend time alone with yourself. Do something that relaxes you and gives you the opportunity to get in touch with your feelings. You need to be true to yourself to see what you want in a partner and in life. Once you figure out what you want, ask yourself if your current partner can fulfill those needs. Taking time to figure out what you want is both fair to you and your new partner.” And sometimes a rebound is just a rebound, as long as you’re both OK with it, why not?
2. Give It A Chance
At the same time, it’s important not to panic and think everything that comes after your last big relationship is somehow lesser-than. Don’t worry, as Lori says: “This is a very common feeling. Do yourself a favor, when you begin dating someone new, give it a chance to grow. Invest time into the new relationship before you call it quits. It may take a little longer for your love to build but that doesn’t necessarily mean your new man is a rebound. Make sure you explore all of your emotions before giving up someone good!” Maybe the rebound is what you need to move on, and that’s not a bad thing.
3. Learn From Your Past
Another important thing to look out for is if you’ve just moved on to another version of the same thing (HELLO, WEIRD FUNNY CLEVER GUYS! IT’S ME AGAIN!). Rebounding can be a fun confidence boost, but if you’ve gotten yourself into facsimile of your old relationship and it didn’t work last time, you may need to think. Take this advice: “Clearly, you and your ex broke up because something was not working. The best thing to do is to learn from those mistakes. Take the time to fully understand what went wrong and apply your lessons and learnings to your new relationship.”
Originally posted on Bustle