I’ve started trying dating apps and been on the search for the best dating and hookup apps. And it’s been… interesting? Enlightening? Terrifying? A little of everything. There have been some great dates and a whole lot of weirdos, but I’ve found that it’s particularly strange as a woman who’s bi. There are lots of great things about being bi on dating apps. Like selection— so many people! OK, too many people. But also access. I don’t meet a lot of lesbian or bi women in my day to day life, but on apps I end up chatting with men and women equally because I’m exposed to both. And that’s amazing.
But there’s also a lot of stuff about being bi on a dating app that is not so fun. I don’t put the information in my bio or anything, because I don’t think it should make a difference. Although if it’s important to you to have it out there, more power to you. But for me, even though I don’t put it out there if it comes up in conversation I’m always honest about it. Lots of people are cool or just don’t really care, but some of the replies are really annoying. And others… downright offensive.
Here are five struggles of being a bi woman on dating apps:
1. “Bi Isn’t A Thing”
It’s a thing. Honestly, I don’t give an eff you call me greedy or whatever. I mean, I guess I am — I also like pizza and ice cream, as well as House of Cards and Games of Thrones, all of these things are awesome and if liking them all makes me greedy than I seriously could not care less. Bisexual is a thing, as is heterosexual, as is pansexual, as is all of the sexuals.
2. “Who Do You Like Better?”
Gahhhhh. This is awkward because it always feels like a loaded question. I mean, unless you’ve been keeping score to make sure you hook up with exactly the same number of guys and girls, you’re probably going to be heavier on one. If you say men, they may accuse you of being straight and just trying to look alternative. If you say women, they may say you’re obviously just gay and stop kidding yourself. I’ve hooked up with more men, but that doesn’t mean I’m more attracted to them. I mean, have you seen boobs?
3. “Are You Experimenting?”
I hate the term experimenting—I mean, there are no bunsen burners involved, if that’s what you’re saying? And to be honest, I think all sex should be experimental to some degree. But no, I already know I like sex with men and I already know I like sex with women, does that help?
4. “Nope, Sorry.”
Then there’s the all-out rejection. It happens. Some people are just not into it. Which is kinda sucky, but better to get it out of the way then waste your time.
5. “Can I Watch? LOL Banterbanter.”
Worse than the person who is completely turned off by the whole bi thing, is the guy who is completely turned on. And of the record, yes, I am totally game for threesomes but no, not with anyone who says “Can I watch?”. Ever.
Bonus Struggle: “I Looked You Up Online And Found Out You Write About Sex, Are You Pretending To Be Bi For Work?”
Fun fact: Some dating apps, unbeknownst to me, give your full name once you match (I’m looking at you, Hinge). Some people then look you up on the internet and find that you write about sex and dating. A lot. Then they want to know if you’re pretending to be bi for work. Then they accuse you of pretending to be bi for work. Supersexyfuntimes.
Originally posted on Bustle