Everyone hopes for a perfect first date. After all, there’s a lot of build up and excitement, and there’s a lot that’s still unknown— they probably haven’t picked their nose or farted in front of you yet, so you can pretend you’re going to meet Mr Perfect. That obviously rarely (never) turns out to be the case. One of you is late, you find a stain on your shirt, he’s nothing like his profile picture, the bar is loud you can’t hear each other— there’s a lot that can go wrong. But a lot can go right, too, and there are some subtle (and not so subtle) signs that he’s good guy.
It doesn’t have to do with what gets your heart racing; that’s down to chemistry and we’ve all been really attracted to some not-so-great people. The attracted to bad boys thing is real. But what I’m talking about just the basic ways you can tell you’re out with a decent person. Like, a good human being. Because they do exist. It’s just that sometimes they’re not as flashy as bad boys or man-children.
So here are seven ways to spot a good guy on the first date, because they exist and you should give them a chance:
1. He’s Not On His Phone
Thank eff for that. You’re on a date— you can expect undivided attention and not someone distracted by their phone. I repeat, dates should be a phone free zone. I mean obviously only until one of you goes to the bathroom and then you both text your friends frantically about how it’s going. But other than that, no phone. It shows he’s interested.
2. He Asks Questions
Questions are important. One of the founders of OkCupid tells The Guardian that “very workaday questions like: “Do you like scary movies?” and: “Have you ever travelled alone to another country?” have amazing predictive power.”. More than that, it just shows he’s not a self-involved jerk.
3. Spicy Handholding… It’s A Thing
OK, I know this sounds bonkers but apparently you can find out a lot about handholding. Not only is it a nice sign of affection, it can be a sex indicator. Sex expert Tracey Cox tells Cosmpolitan that “intertwined fingers mean they’re likely to be highly erotic: they’re touching every part of your hand which expresses a desire to be connected physically and emotionally. The standard palm-to-palm clasp suggests affection and acceptance though it’s unlikely they’re going to surprise you sexually.” Something to keep an eye out for.
4. He’s Not Scared Of The F Word
He shouldn’t blink at the word feminism. Shouldn’t even blink. Not that you need to launch into anything political on the first date as a test (though if you want to, go for it!), but it shouldn’t be awkward if it comes up.
5. He’s OK When You Spill Food/Water/Fire On Yourself
Some of us are not pretty eaters/drinkers/anything-ers. Sometimes I get sauce on myself while I’m not even eating spaghetti. When there is no spagetti The universe is mysterious. But a nice guy will laugh it off with you when your date etiquette fails and not make you feel stupid.
6. He Remembers Things You’ve Told Him
Whether you met at a party or on the internet or wherever, its’ a good sign if they remember stuff you’ve talked about, and definitely a bad sign if they don’t. After all, it’s great that they’re asking questions but they need to be listening to the answers.
7. He Reads Your Signals… And Respects Them
Kissing or touching (or whatever else you want) on the first date can be great, if that’s what you’re game for. As Glamour says a “little kissing will validate a natural spark and garner much more excitement for future dates.” But if you’re shy, that’s fine too, and a good guy will respect that. If someone launches on you tongue first when you’re clearly not interested, it’s not a good sign.
Originally posted on Bustle