It’s amazing that sex can be mind-blowing, consuming, and feel so amazing — but then it can also can be awkward, cringe-worthy, and downright terrible when it’s not going well. Whether it’s your first time with someone new or you’re having sex with someone you’ve been with for years, sometimes it can just feel like nothing’s clicking in bed. The positions that normally feel good just aren’t working, you’re bumping around, and neither of you really get in the mood.
Sometimes, the sex can feel awkward because of other things one of you has going on in your lives. “Sex involves exploring bodies, communicating what feels good, and pleasure,” NYC-based therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW tells Bustle. “If a partner is struggling with other issues, having an enjoyable sexual experience is nearly impossible because their mind is preoccupied by negative thoughts either about themselves or the relationship.” But sometimes, you just haven’t found the position that works best for you and your partner just yet.
If you find that the sex is on the awkward side, try again with some sex positions that can help you reconnect. Here are seven sex positions you can try when you feel like the basics just aren’t working.
1. The Lotus
How To Do It: While your partner sits cross-legged on the floor, slowly lower yourself down and guide them inside you, wrapping your arms and legs around them.
Why It Works: This position is a bit of a “time-out” moment. It may take a minute to get into, but then you can relax and reset there before trying other positions again.
2. Doggy With Vibe
How To Do It: Add your favorite toy into doggy style, with either you or your partner taking control.
Why It Works: If nothing is quite hitting the spot, a tried and true toy can often give you what you need. Plus, combined with the intense sensation of doggy, you’ll have tons of G-spot and clit stimluation to help get things feel great again.
3. Coital Alignment Technique
How To Do It: It’s an easy twist on missionary, this version just features your legs hiked up and around your partner’s hips.
Why It Works: This position is way better for clitoral stimulation than regular missionary — and many other positions — so it’s great to try if those aren’t quite scratching your itch.
4. Weak In The Knees
How To Do It: One partner lays back while the other (gently) sits on their face.
Why It Works: This position lets you get your fingers, tongue, and toy involved. It’s not fancy, it’s all about stimulation. If nothing else is working, this lets you really focus on pleasure.
5. Doggy Blow Job
How To Do It: Use the traditional doggy style position for oral sex, but resting your hands on your partner to help brace yourself.
Why It Works: This is a nice twist on oral sex because either of you can be in control. You can rock back and first or — with your hands on your partner hips or butt — let them gently rock or thrust. Sometimes, when nothing else is working, oral can come to the rescue.
6. The Plow
How To Do It: In missionary, lift up one of your legs and rest it gently on your partner’s shoulder. If that feels comfortable and secure, lift the other.
Why It Works: If you really need some intensity, this position feel really animalistic — and offers really deep penetration.
7. Face To Face
How To Do It: Lay on the bed facing each other, then hook your top leg over your partner, scooting closer to them. Guide them inside you, using lube if that makes things easier.
Why It Works: If everything is awkward and nothing clicks, this position gives you a moment to reconnect. You’re both comfortable, there’s plenty of time, so just try to relax into it.
Sometimes, things just don’t go as smoothly as usual. You find yourself bumping into each other, missing the right spots, and just feeling a little clumsy and awkward. That’s OK — take a break and come back with a new position that helps you feel grounded. A little shift can make a big difference.
Originally posted on Bustle