Everyone is so excited that the gods of Facebook have decided to grant our wishes with the Facebook dislike button apparently on the way. But before you start celebrating how amazing it will be to show how strongly you oppose your friends’ cat photos and political views (which is apparently strong enough to click a “Dislike” button but not strong enough to write anything in return), spare a thought for what this is going to mean for you love life.
I’m dead serious. Because we all Facebook-stalk. But if you thought drunk liking a crush’s six-month old photo was embarrassing, it’s nothing compared to disliking an ex’s photo of him or her and their new partner. Honestly, I don’t really feel like the dislike button is going to clear anything up. I mean, you don’t want to “like” that awkward post about how sad your friend from kindergarten is that their great-great-great uncle died, but is it really any better to “dislike” their grief? Maybe we should just all agree to keep some of the hardcore emotions off of Facebook. But even if you’re not onboard with me on that, I think we can all see the terrible effect this could have on relationships everywhere.
Here are five reasons the “dislike” button is going to be bad for your love life:
1. You’ll Know What Your Friends Really Think About You And Your Partner
You know how you thought everyone loved all those pictures of you and your partner apple picking? Well, they didn’t. They really didn’t. And now they can let you know about it. Yes, it may seem mean but come on how are you already married to a model with three freaking adorable kids who all love pumpkins — WE’RE THE SAME DAMN AGE. Sorry, it’s just… I don’t know if I’m going to be able to control myself and hope your relationship doesn’t suffer.
2. It’s Another Thing To Overanalyze
Wait, so was that like a joke dislike or a real dislike? Get ready to overanalyze everything. I mean, you’re already doing that, but joking dislikes will be a thing. I already intend to jokingly dislike everything anyone posts about their own happiness and fulfillment (if I say “joking,” that means I’m joking, right?) And eventually your crush or hookup will dislike your latest photo or post and you will start wondering all of the things.
3. Couples Fighting In Public Gets Even More Annoying
You know what’s worse then veiled passive aggressive statuses about boyfriends and girlfriends? Nothing. Until the Facebook dislike button. Now we can have them disliking each other’s annoying statuses… it’s a terrible cycle of terrible couples.
4. Crushes Ruined All Over The Place
“I’ll just look up my Tinder match on Facebook… what? They disliked Kimmy Schmidt? Are you kidding me?!” Well, I guess it’ll be a timesaver, but it kind of take the thrill out of it. I mean, you can see they like a band you’ve never heard of and look it up and convince yourself you love it, but when they dislike your favorite things… it’s going to be tough.
5. Drunk Facebook Disliking Your Ex
Obviously, this is what we’re all dreading. One night you’re going to be four margaritas deep and feeling bitter when all of a sudden up pops your ex-girlfriend posting pictures with her new girlfriend and … “oh crap what have I done.” Basically, Facebook creeping just got a lot more dangerous and you’ll never look cool again.
Originally posted on Bustle