Some relationships don’t end with a bang or a whimper, just a series of weirder and weirder behavior. There’s not a best way to break up. It’s always tough and often we don’t want face it head on. We come up with ways to avoid it or, like me and my first boyfriend, you break up and get back together in increasingly ridiculous manners that by the time it’s over you don’t really care because the whole thing has become kind of meaningless. So what are the signs someone is over the relationship?
In an ideal world we’d all be mature enough that when we sense a relationship is past the point of no return, we would end it as amicably as possible. But I’m not mature enough to have ever actually gotten dry cleaning done, or like, eaten an olive, so the chances of that happening are pretty non-existent. And even if you’re more mature than I am, there’s always a chance you’re just tentative about being single again, so putting it off at all costs. Either way, when you’re sort of over a relationship, but not quite ready for it to be done, you can act a little out of character. Maybe you’ve done it yourself or maybe you’ve noticed in a partner.
Here are five weird things people do when they’re no longer feeling a relationship:
1. They’re Super Nice To You
It may seem counter-intuitive, but some people feel really guilty when they’re going off a relationship, especially a longterm one. The solution? Overcompensating. They’re making you’re favorite food, letting you control the remote. Sometimes people are super, super over the top sweet right before they abruptly break it off.
2. They Take Up Random Hobbies
Since when does she like synchronized swimming? Since she wants literally any reason to be out of the house. It’s called avoidance. Some people are conflict-averse, according to Psychology Today it’s especially those that take pride in viewing themselves as “good” or “nice”. These people avoid fights or breakups at all costs, so they’ll probably just come up with a million excuses not to face what’s really happening.
3. They Cut Off Sex… Or Want It All The Time
As relationship expert Rachel DeAlto tells Cosmopolitan, a sudden drop off in sex drive is a big indicator of relationship problems. But, if the person is still interested in sex and wants to avoid conflict or put off the breakup, they might try to use it as a stalling mechanism.
4. They Pick Fights Over The Weirdest Crap
If they’re suddenly acting like an idiot because you didn’t know they wanted you to grab the green shirt and not the blue shirt (doesn’t everyone know that!?), it’s not a good sign. More than just animosity, psychologist John Gottman of The Gottman Institute has found that contempt is the biggest relationship killer. And it can manifest in some random and nit-picky forms.
5. They Have The Same Discussion On Repeat, Expecting Different Results
The other side of picking fights over stupid little things, is talking about big, important relationship disputes and incompatibilities in exactly the same way over and over. As PsychCentral says, “It feels like you are stuck in the same argument, and you are feeling consistently misunderstood… It probably takes less and less time to start the same fight, and even as it begins you already know where it will end. Reactions feel out of control and proportion.”.There’s something odd about insisting on having the same fight for the millionth time, but some people need to have a last ditch attempt to save things even when they’re feeling over it.
Originally posted on Bustle