It’s hard to tell if you’re moving too fast in a relationship. It’s one of those things that’s so easy to identify in other people, yet when it comes to turning the same critique on yourself it’s so easy to miss it. It’s normal to get all loved up and gooey during the honeymoon phase, but if you get caught up in that, you can end up rushing into a relationship built on giggles and sex, without much substance.
This isn’t about judging anyone’s relationship choice, it’s more about making one that’s good for you. Rushing into a relationship often comes out of a low or volatile self-esteem, which is then exacerbated by the relationship. As clinical psychologist Dr. Seth Meyers tells eHarmony: “Simply put, people who feel good about and proud of the overall package they are don’t feel the need to rush because they don’t haveemotional holes they’re looking to fill.” So it’s good to keep an eye out on how the relationship is progressing, as it can be a sign whether or not you’re getting involved for the right reasons and ensure that you’re not getting into a relationship that’s going to damage your self-esteem in the long run.
It’s important stuff. Here are seven signs that you’re moving too fast in your relationship:
1. You Let The Honeymoon Period Run Away With You
Your friends will forgive you when you disappear into a relationship in the initial stages, but what if you never come back? Sometimes you’re aware in the back of your mind that your relationship won’t hold up so well in the real world, so you can retreat into it completely. It’s not sustainable — slow down and try to make it work in real life.
2. You Have Complete Faith In Them Before They’ve Actually Proven Themselves
The loved up halo you get at the beginning can mean you project good traits onto your new partner that they might not actually deserve. You convince yourself they’re an amazing person, and forgive selfish behavior because it’s “out of character” or “just once in a while” without realizing that’s who they are all the time. That’s why life and relationship coach Marni Battista says not to put anyone up on a pedestal and assume they are “everything” until they’ve proven it over a period of time.
3. There Are Lots Of Over-The-Top Romantic Gestures Right From The Get-Go
Dr. Wendy Patrick warns that “Flattery gets you everywhere,” which means it’s often used and abused by manipulative personalities. If your new significant other is constantly laying it on thick, that can make things move along really quickly, as you’re so swept away by the romance. All the fireworks can be great, just be aware.
4. You Just Got Out Of A Relationship (That Also Moved Too Fast… )
This one has nothing to do with the other person’s behavior; it’s all down to you. If you’ve just come out of a bad relationship and you toss yourself right into a new one, chances are you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. Either your self-esteem is too relationship-dependent or you’re not over your ex and trying to bury it. Leaving enough time means you get started on the right foot.
5. You Jump Right Into Meeting The Friends And Family
It’s definitely important that your partner gets along with your friends and family and vice versa. I need to get my friends’ approval when I’m dating someone, just so I’m sure I’m not kidding myself. But if it’s a week in and all of a sudden you’re inviting each other to family gatherings, it’s a red flag. Meyers explains: “Instead of hoping to submerge yourself wholeheartedly into someone else’s social group, make a conscious effort to beef up your own so that you don’t have to depend on a romantic partner to provide you with an overall sense of belonging.”
6. You Fight Over All The Day-To-Day Things
So you can’t stop having sex and writing each other love notes, but you can’t pick a restaurant, her laundry habits drive you nuts, you disagree on everything from politics to TV? It’s a sign. Fights can be good, but not all the time, and not about the basic stuff. It can mean you’re running on lust and fairy dust, and you got a bit carried away and made a relationship out of what should have been a fling.
7. You Make A Big Decision Before You Know Their Favorite Color
This one may seem obvious, but big life decisions, like moving in together, spending the holidays together, or getting engaged, are called “big” for a reason. If you’re thinking about making massive life steps and your closest friends and family seem shocked, take a step back. Maybe they’re wrong, and it’s totally your decision, but you need to spend some time thinking if you’re actually ready for this or rushing into something.
Originally posted on Bustle