Even though I believe you can get over most things in terms of sexual compatibility, it can be really difficult to overcome what a massive turnoff bad kissing is. And I think part of that reason is that when you think about it, kissing is gross— especially when you get tongues involved. Yes, French kissing is sexy and intimate and can be such a turn on when done correctly. It’s often the bridge between innocent pecks and proper “let’s get this thing going” pre-sex making out. But it’s also gross. And if you’re not that into kissing this person, the grossness becomes more apparent.
The grossness is no one’s fault. Once you add tongues into the mix, you’re suddenly dealing with fluids and body parts that have an inherent ick factor to them. And sometimes it’s gross because the person just doesn’t know what they’re doing and makes gross things happen. Either way, yuck.
Now don’t get me wrong, Frenching is still totally worth it. In my opinion the hotness it brings definitely outweighs the spit and the bacteria and all of that. Especially when you like the person a lot. It’s one of those things— like a lot of sex— that is amazing in the moment, but when you actually pull back and think about you realize is objectively pretty nasty. Oh well, thank god being turned on makes it more difficult to be grossed out, because I’m definitely not going to stop with the tongues anytime soon.
Here are seven gross things that happen when you kiss with tongue, because breakfast in bed is great until you find a hunk of toast in their mouth:
1. Bacteria Galore
It’s probably no surprise to you, but French kissing is basically a bacteria orgy in your mouth. In just 10 seconds of kissing there are about 80 million bacteria being swapped around there. It’s pretty gross, but the lucky part is that the vast majority of these are harmless, so there’s no need to panic.
2. Darts And Dead Fish
A lot of people don’t like French kissing and I think that it’s because quite a few people out there are bad at it. There are people that dart their tongue around your mouth in a really aggressive way, and even grosser there are those people who just leave their tongue chilling in your mouth like a dead fish. Yuck.
3. Hair Mouth
If you’re kissing with your mouth closed, you’re probably not going to notice if there’s a bit of hair in the vicinity. Kissing with tongue is basically asking to choke on a hair. Or if you’re two girl who both of a lot of hair, too much Frenching means one of you is going to cough up a hairball at some point. Gah.
4. You Taste (Or Feel) Their Last Meal
French kissing is all sweet and intimate until you realize how much you’re actually exploring back there with your tongue. We’ve all gone in for the kiss and found a taste we weren’t exactly hoping for. And if breakfast in bed leads to kissing in bed there’s a good chance you’ll find a little crumb of toast in your oral expedition. Gross.
5. The Saliva High-Wire
Yeah, there’s a little spit when it comes to any kissing, but once your tongues are moving into each other’s mouths there’s a whole lot of spit being transferred. If that isn’t enough, there’s the great moment when you pull away and a little line of saliva is still running between your two mouths. Who’s saliva is it? What do you do with it? How do you make eye contact now? Questions we will never answer.
6. Morning Breath Transfer
Horrible morning breath. We all get it. There is no hope for it. You can brush your teeth and wash out your mouth with grain alcohol, kill every little thing that’s in there, but sometimes over night things come back with a vengeance. A few polite pecks when you wake up and you probably can hide the damage, but as things heat up the morning breath will be revealed.
7. Hormone Swap
I saved the best for last because this is gross but also kind of awesome. So apparently scientists think men might like shoving their tongues into women’s mouths because unconsciously they’re trying to transfer the testosterone in their saliva that increases sex drive. According to Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher: “There is evidence that men like sloppier kisses with more open mouth. That suggests they are unconsciously trying to transfer testosterone to stimulate sex drive in women.”
So it’s kind of gross, but the fact that kissing turns you on in yet another way is also pretty cool. Just make sure you’re brushing those teeth on the reg please.
Originally posted on Bustle