Bad relationships can take a lot out of you. They’re tough, and you lose perspective. But you shouldn’t feel terrible about having been in a bad relationship— so many of us have had them, and a lot of people stay in a bad relationship for way too long. And at the very least, they can be a great learning experience. Having a bad relationship means you can figure out what isn’t working, what you don’t want in the next one. Learning relationships priorities is a great way to set yourself up better for the future.
But here’s the other thing about bad relationships: the sex isn’t always bad. Yes, being in love can make sex one billion times better, but not being in love doesn’t stop you from having great sex. In fact, one of my friends was in a pretty meh relationship from a year and a half because the sex was awesome, and what she needed at the time was something low-key with a hint of a confidence boost.
So if you feel like a bad relationship has left you a little worse for wear, it’s good to put it in a positive light, look at it as a learning experience and move on. Here are some sex lessons you can learn from a bad relationship:
1. How Much Sex You Can Have
So, if the relationship isn’t good and the sex is, chances are you are going to be having as much sex as possible to distract from how crappy the rest of it is. This means having as much as physically possible— if you’re tired, if your favorite show is on, if they haven’t brushed their teeth, sex is still the best option. Prepare to break all records.
2. When You’re Using Sex As A Tool
If you’ve never used sex to distract from a difficult conversation or fight, welcome. It’s kind of crappy here. It’s usually not the best thing to do, but it’s really important to develop that self awareness so you know when you’re doing it in the future. And don’t feel bad— so many people have used sex as a tool of distraction— just be aware of it.
3. … Or A Weapon
Ditto for that. If you’re using it not to distract, but withholding it to win a fight, or to make a point, that’s not good. Keep an eye on it.
4. The Difference Between “In Love” Sex And “In Lust” Sex
Like I said, you don’t have to be in love to have great sex. Sometimes all you need to do is be really infatuated, or just super turned on by, your partner— lots of strong emotions, no matter what they are, can result in great sex. You’ll learn what the difference between love and lust is, which is helpful for when you meet new people down the line.
5. Exactly What You Like
If you have really strong feelings for someone, that’s enough to make the sex good a lot of the time. But if you’re in a bad relationship then the sex doesn’t have that love-y halo, so that weird thing they do with their tongue actually feels like a weird thing they do with their tongue. So you’ll earn what really, really gets you off.
Originally posted on Bustle