If you’ve ever felt like you’ve lost friends because of a boyfriend or girlfriend, you’re not alone. Not even close. A survey of 1,000 people carried out by Not4Dating, a site for making platonic friends, found that over two thirds of people lost 90 percent of their friends in the past decade — 90 percent! Think about that. And eight percent of people reported they have no close friends at all.
So why does this happen? Well, the main reasons were moving cities and drifting apart, but worryingly, entering into a new relationship was also in the top three. In fact, the survey said you were more likely to lose friends when entering into a relationship than during a breakup.
I mean, we all have friends who disappear a bit in the honeymoon period, and most people allow for that, but a huge drop of friends is not good and, I would say, it’s also not good for the relationship. And I’m not alone— according to The Daily Mail, “thirty percent of Americans have a friend that they regret falling out with, but can’t bring themselves to make a move to make up —including half of those between the ages of 18 and 24.”
So what can you do? Here are three tips for maintaining a friend-relationship balance:
1. Pay Attention To Your Friends’ Relationship With Your S.O.
Your friends’ relationship with your significant other is really important.I f your friends and your significant other can happily hang out, you can maximize the time you spend with everyone and keep all of those relationships strong. But if this is proving difficult, pay attention to that too. If your S.O. encourages you to ghost your friends, that’s a big red flag. And while all of your friends might not adore your new partner, if a lot of them have difficulty getting along with them, it’s also a sign the relationship may not be as great as you think. Remember why you trust your friends and listen to them.
2. But Make PLENTY Of One-On-One Time
As much as you want them all to get along, there’s nothing more annoying then when a friend is constantly attached at the hip to their partner. It’s a real pet peeve of mine— when you think you’re getting dinner with your friend and suddenly their boyfriend or girlfriend is there, unannounced. You need to continue to have one-on-one, quality time with your friends. If you still care about them and want them to be able to talk about things, you have to respect that the probably don’t want to share intimate details of their lives with whoever you just started dating.
3. Remember Strong Friendships Make Strong Relationships
You can’t exist in a bubble, as much as it might feel like that when you’re first in a new relationship. But if you don’t have friends to talk to, to vent to, to ask questions, then you’ll eventually collapse in on yourself. Things will just simmer up in you, or between you and your partner. Plus, you can’t expect to get everything you need from one person. So if you really want to be in a long-term, happy relationship, don’t let other parts of our life die out — especially friendships.
Originally posted on Bustle