A new survey revealing the “ideal number of sexual partners” has made my eyes bleed. IllicitEncounters, a UK-based extra-marital dating site, surveyed 1,000 users about the right number of sexual partners for someone to have been with.You know, because that’s a healthy and progressive view toward sex. Giving a perfect number, and then making everyone else feel flawed and shameful. Lovely. Turns out the most popular answer for men and women was somewhere between 8 and 12. That was the sweet spot.
It gets even more specific, though. “Those who had more than 10 sexual partnerswere considered promiscuous, while having fewer than 10 would be considered sexually inexperienced,” says The Independent. So basically— good luck, everything you do is wrong, you will never be right and none will ever love you because you’re either too slutty or too prudish. Eff. This.
And even more unsurprisingly it found that “men in particular are more wary of women who had a higher score than 10.” I mean, with all of the sexist survey responses that have come out on number of sexual partners before, I’m sadly not shocked in the least.
I really believe that your number of sexual partners doesn’t matter in the least— and doesn’t even really reflect at all on your relationship to sex. And I hate this idea that there are good or bad numbers, that people are made to feel badly no matter what they’ve done. Who cares? People need to calm the eff down about it.
But according to the study, 35 percent of women wanted to know their male partner’s history, as did 30 percent of men with their female partner. I don’t mind knowing, because like I said I don’t think it matters. But is it really a thing? Do people get hung up on the number of partners before them?
Here’s what people said about wanting to know their partner’s past:
1. Elizabeth, 30
“Yes. Not because I’m judging or that I even care, I’m just a Nosey Nelly. I also want to know if he’s had sex with more people than me. Not that it’s a competition, but again, it’s all about curiosity.”
2. Zoe, 28
“I think it’s something you talk about. Not in a deep, big conversation way. Just it comes up and I would like it if they felt OK enough with me to share everything.”
3. Kathryn, 27
“Honestly, I kind of do want to know — but mostly it’s because I’m nosy AF. I don’t think it’s intimidating or awkward or shame-y or anything. It’s just a part of that person’s history. And when I’m with someone I super like, I want to know everything about that person.”
4. Ann, 30
“Zero because I have no partner……..I feel so special that I’m gonna be their first! <3 <3 <3”
5. Susan, 27
“I don’t wanna know. I’m just too jealous. I know I should be more chill about it but I will legit drive myself nuts worrying.”
6. Michelle, 28
“I usually will talk about it with a partner but not because I’m jealous or will judge them for it — I’m just curious!”
7. Sarah, 32
“Nope, don’t wanna know. Don’t wanna talk about it.”
Originally posted on Bustle