If you’ve ever felt like it’s a bit of a waste of time, or that dating is too hard, it may be time to re-think who you’re attracted to. One of the best things you can to save yourself some heartache — and some time— is spot potentially toxic romantic relationships and people who are bad for you quickly. And getting the eff out of there. But if you’re lonely, or just an optimist, it’s so easy to ignore massive warning signs and convince yourself that it’s going to be great.
It’s easy to do, but you really shouldn’t. Especially if you’re meeting someone onlineor on Tinder, if someone seems like kind of an ass from their messages, it’s not going to get better. Especially their opening line — I mean, they can open with anything and if they still are greeting you with immature or offensive conversation starters, that says something. The good news is, if they’re a jerk right off the bat it’s a a massive time saver. You can choose not to engage and you really shouldn’t. No matter how good their six-pack is. No matter how many tigers and orphans they pose with. Don’t waste your time.
Here’s how you can tell he’s a man child from his opening message:
1. It’s A Pickup Line
Obviously a no no. If it’s a cheesy pickup line they’ve copy and pasted from somewhere, they’ve either been reading books about picking up women (STAY AWAY) or is just mass sending them to as many women as they can. Either way, don’t get involved.
2. It’s About Hooking Up
Similarly, someone who feels entitled enough to assume you’d want to have sex with them right off the bat is living is some kind of horrible, sexist fantasy. Maybe you are looking for just a hookup on Tinder, and that’s totally fine, but let’s find an adult way to go about it in the first message.
3. It’s Basically Their LinkedIn Profile
“Hey, I’m 28 work in finance, went to Columbia, how about you?” You don’t need a resume. You wanted to know more about them than their job. Don’t waste your time.
4. It’s Monosyllabic
“Hey” and “hi” both translate into begin too lazy to think of literally anything to say. You want a grown-up person who can write a damn sentence.
5. They’re All “Not Sure Why I’m On Here Haha But You Seem Cool. LOL. Want To Chill Sometime? Haha Is That Weird? Haha”
I find nothing more irritating than awkward “hahas” when there is absolutely nothing funny happening. If you’re that uncomfortable communicating on a site or app designed to make people communicate how do you possibly survive in the real world?!
6. They Use Patronizing Terms Of Endearment Right Away
I have nothing against terms of endearment — I use them constantly. But if someone starts calling you “Hun” or “Sweetie” and they’ve never met you, it’s an a-hole move. I would avoid them immediately.
7. They Immediately Start Talking About Themself
An opener should be trying to get a response by showing they’re interested in getting to know you — reference something from your profile, or even the boring just asking “what are you up to?”. At least it’s engaging with you. If they immediately start talking about how great they are and their awesome weekend plans, it’s a massive turn-off and makes them seem self-involved. Wait until someone is interested in you too, rather than just looking for a sounding board.
Originally posted on Bustle