There’s no one secret that tells you how to have great sex, or a foolproof sex position that will make you orgasm every time. The best sex is always whatever works for you and your partner, whatever it is that makes you both feel happy and satisfied. But when do you need to mix it up? It’s hard to tell the line between solid, good sex that works for both of you, and sex that is fine… but could be better — way better. Sometimes you want to take the “if it’s not broke don’t fix it” mentality to sex and just leave things as they are. But even if you’re both orgasming and going through all of the stages, the sex can still be just kind of underwhelming.
So how do you know? You probably don’t want to try to mix things up if it might make your partner think you’re unsatisfied when you’re not at all. Ideally, you have open, honest communication about sex already established so deciding to mix things up isn’t that big of a deal. And if you don’t have that established, it’s time to start because no matter how good the sex already is, there are times when it could be better.
Here are seven signs you could be having way better sex than you’re having:
1. You’re Not Orgasming As Much As You Used To
Everyone’s “right amount” is totally different. There’s no correct amount you should be orgasming, but there is what is normal for you. If you’re someone who always orgasms multiple times and suddenly it’s not happening at all, or someone who usually orgasms during intercourse but hasn’t managed to in months, it’s time to start looking at what’s going on. It could be positions you’re doing, something stress-related, or you may need to become more in tune with your body.
2. Your Sex Drive Is Lower Than Normal
Similarly, everyone has different sex drives and there’s nothing wrong with that. But if there’s a big change in your sex drive and there are no other external factors (medication change, stress, etc.), it could be that the sex itself has just gotten underwhelming. If you can liven it up you’ll probably find you want it again.
3. Your Mind Is Wandering
One great thing about sex is being lost in the moment. If you’re thinking about what’s for dinner or how Ben Stiller still exists all the time then the sex may not be up to par.
4. You’re Thinking About Someone Else
OK, so if once in a while you have a fantasy or you’re doing roleplay, totally cool. But if you find yourself constantly wishing you were with someone else or doing something else then things have probably gotten ho-hum.
5. Your Partner Is Underwhelmed
It’s not just about sex being good enough for you. If you’re just going through the motions and your partner seems bored or unhappy with your sex life, you should listen to that. It’s about both of you being satisfied, and being a good sexual partner means being in tune to how they’re doing.
6. It’s One-Sided
Again — it’s about both of you. Yes, sometimes it’s fun to have a round or a whole night that’s totally focused on one person, but if it’s always about one of you getting off and the other one just does the pleasing, something has to change.
7. You Can Predict The Next Move… Always
Sex doesn’t have to be all complicated positions and crazy toys. Sometimes straightforward sex is amazing — and that doesn’t make it boring. But if as soon as they kiss your ear, you know you’ve got three minutes of cunnilingus, two minutes of blow jobs, missionary, doggy, missionary again, and then the big finish— the same thing every single time— you’re not going to enjoy it as much. Part of getting caught up in it is the unpredictability — that doesn’t have to mean a crazy sex position, but it does mean putting a little more thought into it and communicating your desires.
Originally posted on Bustle