How Much Sex Should You Be Having?

When it comes to how often you should have sex in a relationship , a lot of us are tempted to say the bigger the better. Or the more the merrier. Or whatever means LOTS. But science is showing us, that might not be the case. According to recent research out of University of Toronto Mississauga, there is a “sweet spot” for sexual frequency in a relationship, says The Metro. They looked at data from over 25,000 couples, aged 18 all the way up to 89, which “showed a linear association between sex and happiness up to a frequency of once a week, but at higher frequencies there is no longer an association”.

So up to once a week does make you happier, but then it sort of levels out. Amy Muise of UT Mississauga adds that: “I do think couples can end up feeling pressure to try to engage in sex as frequently as possible. Once a week is maybe a more realistic goal to set than thinking you have to have sex every day and that feels overwhelming and you avoid it.” But don’t feel like it has to be all the time— once a week means peak happiness.

But let’s be real: A new study comes out every second telling you how often you should have sex (and in what position, on which bit of furniture etc.) to be happiest. What really matters is what’s right for you and your partner. Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of igniteyourpleasure.com, tells Bustle that connection can mean more than actually having sex. “In relationships, I find that whatever the level of desire between two people, it’s important that they stay connected,” Levine says. “For some that may mean kissing and cuddling and others that may be hot adventurous sex. It’s when couples have mismatched libidos and aren’t able to compromise on some level of physical intimacy that it can lead to disconnection and other issues.”

But it still can be interesting— and informative— to see what studies have said. Here’s what else science says about sex frequency and your relationship:

1. A Lot Of Us Are Doing What Makes Us Happy

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If once a week is what makes us happy, it also happens to be what a whole lot of us are doing. According to over 14,000 respondents to the “Penis Perception Survey,” 58 percent of couples have sex at least once a week. Well done, team.

2. The Experts Think You Might Want More

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Once a week may seem like all you need for peak happiness, but there are other factors to consider. Therapist Laurie Watson, who writes for Psychology Today’s Married and Still Doing It, suggests that two times a week may be better in terms of keeping both of you feeling desired and avoiding anxiety. If you know that your partner has trouble feeling attractive, or has a higher sex drive than you do, once a week may not be enough.

3. We’re Having Less Sex Than We Used To

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Really. According to the book Sex by Numbers: What Statistics Can Tell Us About Sexual Behaviour , which looked at data from also sorts of reports through the years and distilled them into some useful info, we used to be getting down more. In the 90s, couples reported having sex five times a month on average, compared to just three times a month now. So if you’re finding you’re having less sex, you may just be on trend.

Originally posted on Bustle