It’s a hard dating truth that everyone has to learn: sometimes you’re into someone and they’re they’re not that into you. That can be a frustrating prospect or, like Miranda finds it on Sex And The City, really freeing. You can just leave it there. Wounded pride never feels nice, but if you can just admit that’s what happening, then you can move on. There’s nothing worse than clinging onto a relationship or a fling that clearly isn’t going anywhere. It’s bad for your self-esteem, because you know somewhere deep down that it really just isn’t working. It can eat away at you.
So how can you tell if you’re more into them? The problem is, early on, they may be leading you on for a number of reasons. They might not be sure about what they want or who they want, they might be getting something out of it, or they may just too afraid to break it off. But you don’t want to be someone’s backup plan, even if that means that you need to admit what’s going on and be the mature one.
Here are seven signs you’re more into them than they are to you, because the “where are we going conversation” shouldn’t be that difficult:
1. You’re Always Double Texting
Yikes. It happens once in a while, and confirming plans on the day, even if you were the last one to text, is totally normal. But if you’re constantly double texting to remind them, or just to get their attention, they’re not that into you. You should already have their attention.
2. You’re The Only One Trying To Make The Plans
If someone is into you, they want to see you— full stop. I tend to only see someone once a week or so when we’re first dating, but I do want to see them, and I make an effort at doing it. If I feel like I’m the only one trying, I know that they’re not into me.
3. Your Ideas Of Hanging Out Don’t Match
Are you planning a romantic meal out every time and they just want to hook up? It’s not all romance and butterflies all the time, obviously, but you need to be on the same page about what you want out of it.
4. Your Friends Aren’t Buying It
If your friends have questions, be aware. It’s easy to get defensive and insist that everything is “totally fine” or that they just “don’t get it”. But does that sound like your friends? If you trust them, you trust them for a reason, so don’t stop hearing them out just because you don’t like what they’re saying.
5. … And They Haven’t Even Met Them
Another clue. They don’t make an effort with your friends and family, even though they know it’s important to you? Huge red flag. If they’re into you, they’re into all of the things that matter to you. I have spent loads of time with my girlfriend’s family, even after her dad caught me eating his peanut butter straight from the jar— I went back again to face my shame. That’s commitment.
6. Your Long-Term Goals Don’t Go Together
If they get squeamish talking about the future and don’t want to factor you into their plans— or just downright won’t tell you, you’re not on the same page. It’s fine if you’re both not long-term planners, but if you are looking for a relationship and they’re not, you need to nip it in the bud.
7. You’re Scared To Ask
If you’re on the same page and both equally into each other, you can feel it. Discussing relationships and your status is always awkward, but if you feel the warmth between you, it softens the blow. If you’re really scared to ask the question, it’s probably because you know the answer and don’t like it. Trust your instinct.
Originally posted on Bustle