“She or he’s just not that into you” may have become a dating mantra of the last decade, but that doesn’t make it any easier when you’re crushing on someone who’s giving you mixed signals. Unrequited love is just the worst— it’s maddening, angsty, and confusing. Sometimes having to accept that you’re not what someone else wants, through what is often no real fault of your own, can be an incredibly humbling experience.
But there are also a lot of benefits that come from getting over someone who’s not that into you. “Oftentimes, when someone is attracted to an ’emotionally unavailable partner,’ it is a good opportunity to engage in self-reflection,” dating coach Monica Parikh tells Bustle. “What qualities attracted you to this person? If you make a list of the positive traits, it can provide a basis of what you should look for in the future. The only way to find a compatible partner — one who makes you happy in the long-term — is to continually take stock of what worked and what didn’t in every other failed relationship along the way.”
So there’s a lot of learning that can come from it— whether it’s a relationship that doesn’t work or is just an unrequited crush— even if it feels impossible to get over that person at the time.
Here are seven benefits of getting over someone who isn’t that into you:
1. All That Mental Space
Being into someone who’s not interested is a lot of work. You seem to spend too much time thinking about them, plus all of that really unhealthy social media stalking — and it just takes up a lot of time and energy. Once you manage to let go, you’ll be able to focus that energy on something better, like on you.
2. Short-Term Goals Are Always Good
I’m a short-term goal maniac. If you say you’re going to let this person go, and then you do, it’s a short-term goal accomplished. Feel satisfied.
3. You Remember You Can Get Through Anything
Heartache is awful. And getting over someone can be a lot harder than it sounds— even if it’s just a crush. When you do, it’s time to blast Katy Perry’s “Roar” and lip-sync like an idiot and remember that you are an offing superhero made of freedom and Snickers.
4. You Can Meet Someone New
Whoop! The best way to get over someone is to get under someone — or to interact with a new person in whatever way you please. Seriously, go as fast or as slow as you want, but now you’ve got the head space to meet someone who’s actually going to see how great you are.
5. It’s Just Good Self-Preservation
Liking someone who’s not into you, and obsessing over them, is toxic. Whether it’s the time spent compulsively thinking or stalking, feeling crappy about the drunken text you sent, or just berating yourself for not being enough, it’s really not good for you. Letting go is a great way to detoxify, take care of yourself, and get some positive energy happening again.
6. You Learn What Works And What Doesn’t
As Parikh says, the only way to find a successful relationship is to keep track of what you like and don’t like, what works, and what doesn’t. If you use this as an opportunity to take note of why you liked the person, but why you maybe weren’t compatible, you’re in a better-informed and more mature position to enter your next relationship, when you’re ready.
7. You See How Great You Can Be On Your Own
Unless you run right into a new relationship which is, let’s face it, normally not very healthy, getting over someone means being on your own for a bit. Everyone should know how to be single, and not only that— they should learn how to really love it. Getting over someone is the perfect opportunity to embrace singledom and learn how to be happy solo. It’s worth it.
Originally posted on Bustle