What Nobody Talks About When They Talk About Masturbation

It’s National Masturbation Month which makes me so happy, because it means we’re talking about masturbation. Which we should be — because women most love to masturbate. We love to masturbate, we love sex toys, and dammit do we love porn. In fact, Marie Claire surveyed 3,000 women and found that almost one third watched porn on a weekly basis— and 10 percent watched it daily. And, there are a whole lot of women who masturbate without porn. But way too few of us are open about it.

Some women say that they don’t masturbate, which I just don’t understand personally — it’s like pretending you don’t like chocolate. And even a lot of those who admit to it refer to it as though it’s some amazingly sexy experience, like you only orgasm while biting your lip with sultry eyes during the crescendo of a Kate Bush song. For me, I’m more halfway out of my basic black leggings with one boob popping out my bra and a face like Mr. Burns sneezing. What I mean is, masturbation is amazing, fun, healthy, and not always particularly sexy. That’s fine, so let’s embrace it.

Here are seven things nobody talks about when they talk about masturbation.

1. It Can Be Messy AF

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Even if you’re not a squirter. Just because we don’t have the same explosive finale as a guy, it doesn’t mean it’s not messy. Sometimes you just get really, really wet and the next time you go to the bathroom and wipe it’s like a slip and slide down there. Don’t sweat it, it just means you had an amazing session.

2. You May Have Started Young… Really Young

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As much as we act like teenage boys are the only horny or exploratory ones, a lot of women I know started masturbating well before puberty. At 8, 9, 10, 11— a lot of women already started experimenting before there was an actual sexual connotation to it or they really understood what they’re doing. We don’t talk about it for some reason, but it happens all the time. So if you started early, you’re not alone and it’s nothing to feel weird about.

3. Some Women Like It Rough

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We’re finally accepting that women love masturbating and porn as a society, but many people still assume that female-friendly porn means long storylines and Fabio-like men tenderly touching women before saying “I’m here to respect you and to pleasure you.” Wrong. A study from Pornhub and Buzzfeed showed that women are actually way more likely to look for BDSM and rough porn, not to mention group sex and lesbian scenes.

4. Masturbating Doesn’t Mean Your Partner Isn’t Enough

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Working out your masturbation habits within a relationship can be difficult. Some partners don’t like the idea of their partner masturbating, while some are totally chilled about it. I have a great sex life with my partner, but it doesn’t keep me from masturbating pretty regularly. The two don’t correlate except for the fact that if I’m not having sex I’ll masturbate more. But it doesn’t ever stop completely — and it has nothing to do with my relationship.

5. Sometimes It Just Doesn’t Work Out

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Not all orgasms are created equal. Sometimes, no matter how in the mood you are, you might not have one at all. And sometimes, despite doing everything the way you typically do to get off, you have this weird, underwhelming dud orgasm that leaves you feeling more annoyed than if you hadn’t orgasmed at all. It happens to all of us.

6. It’s Not All Rose Petals And Boyz II Men

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Sometimes I’m naked on top of my blanket, sometimes I’m in gym clothes, and sometimes I’m literally in nothing but the oversized hoodie I slept in. It’s literally never to classical music or with a scented candle. I wish I were better at taking some time out and really exploring, but the reality of masturbation is more along the lines of: “Do I have time to fit in an orgasm before work?” (The answer is normally: “Yes, but only if I don’t wash my hair.” My hair is rarely washed.)

7. One Size Doesn’t Fit All

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There are a whole lot of different ways to masturbate — it’s not as simple as rubbing your clit like a scratch card. And what works for another woman doesn’t work for another. The problem is, a lot of us get stuck in masturbation ruts. So even if you’ve found something that works for you, try to mix it up once in a while. OMGYes surveyed thousands of women and found 12 different masturbation techniques that we use— I recommend checking them out and trying something new once in a while.

Originally posted on Bustle