When it’s comes to sex positions, some are just more sexy than others. I mean, I love missionary— I genuinely do— but it doesn’t have the same oomph as some of them. For example, the cowgirl sex position has oomph. A lot of oomph. Not only does it let the woman take control, it’s also an amazing position for feeling confident in general.
And part of what makes it one of my favorite sex positions is that there are so many ways to mix it up. It’s a winner— for both parties. Sex therapist Sarah Watson tells Bustle that it can be fun and exciting for couples, especially because variations on cowgirl can help give you access to the G-spot and allows a different view for each partner. “I would say that it can be really fun for couples to switch it up and find out what helps them feel pleasure and enjoy sex,” Watson says. And with cowgirl, you can really switch it up.
The only problem is, if you’re used to taking a less dominant role, then it can be a little intimidating to be on top. I know friends who have been sexually active for years who have never tried it — seriously, not once. And they’re really missing out. It can definitely feel exposing or a lot of pressure climbing on top and taking control, but I promise you: it’s so worth it. You just need to try it a few times and get the hang of it.
So here are seven tips for the cowgirl position, because it’s going to make you feel like a damn queen (And if all else fails, listen to some Beyoncé).
1. Use Your Arms As Support
One of the questions my friends ask a lot is “What do I do with my arms?!” If you’re feeling a little nervous about being on top, lean forward so your closer to your partner and you can use your arms to brace yourself. Not only does it give you the feeling of security, you can then use them to help move up and down, grind, whatever you like. You can even lie down in the modified position to feel extra secure.
2. Lean Back
Similarly, you can use your arms to brace you but instead of leaning forward, lean back. This not only gives your partner a crazy good view, but it also gives a great opportunity for them to play with your clit, which makes the position about a billion times better immediately.
3. Reverse It
Reverse cowgirl — the dream. It’s great, although to be honest, I had to be feeling pretty confident when I first tried this position, but it’s totally worth it. Your partner gets a view from behind, and the whole thing feels really animalistic and hot because you’re just going for it without even seeing your partner’s face. You can still use your arm as a brace to bounce and grind. Just be careful if your partner has a penis not to break it. (Seriously, it’s a thing. Move slowly into it your first time).
You’re in control, remember that. You’re in charge and the view means your partner can see you being 100 percent in charge, so work with it. You can tease them with a just-the-tip situation, or once you get them close, you can back off and start again. Play around— teasing and anticipation makes everything stronger.
5. Play With Yourself
Once you get your balance, you can use your arms and hands for other things. Nipple play? Check. Clit play? Double check. It’s also a great position to introduce a bullet vibrator if you’re looking to try. There are so many options.
6. Sit Up
Even though you’re in the dominant position, it doesn’t have to be with your partner completely horizontal. Whether you go for a chair or just have them leaning against the wall or a pillow in bed, you can get a more face-to-face, intimate experience to change up this position. It can be especially helpful if you’re feel a little less sure, and will help you ease your way into it.
7. Give Up Control
One of the sexiest things you can do is play with dynamics of a certain position. Have them take over even while you’re on top, or swap back and forth. Playing with expectations keeps things interesting and emphasizes the interplay between you. Mix it up.
Originally posted on Bustle