Sensing that your partner wants to break up with you can be an awful feeling. Whether it’s for a legitimate reason or you’re just being a bit paranoid, it still sucks. And it’s even worse if it’s someone who you’ve been in long-term relationship with or someone you’ve planned a future with. I’m cautious when I get into relationship, but I have friends who are sure they’ve met “The One” within months, and when it turns out they’re wrong, it’s not pretty.
But no matter how far into a relationship you are, remember that you can always move on. “It’s so easy to remember the good, rather than the reason you broke up,” Amy Levine MA, CSE sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, tells Bustle. “If you’re hung up on your ex, make a list of all the reasons why you’re not together and particularly what was a deal-breaker that you let go on too long. Put this list on your phone so you can glance at it every time you want to call or text.”
But it can help if you know what’s coming, so here are seven signs your partner knows you’re not “The One”, because most people don’t go around talking in cliches.
1. You Feel It In Your Gut
One sign? “You are constantly wondering if they are going to break up with you,” Caitlin K. Roberts, founder of To Be a Slut and cofounder of I’d Tap That, tells Bustle. You probably know when something’s off. If you’re prone to overreacting, bear that in mind, but if you’re normally pretty rational, pay attention to the feeling of foreboding.
2. They’re Avoiding You
If you’ve been together a long time and your partner has had a change of heart, they may not know how to act around you or speak with you. So avoidance is a natural step. “When a person stops having the time or desire to be with you, then you know that your relationship is on life support system,” relationship coach and psychic medium Cindi Sansone-Braff, author of Why Good People Can’t Leave Bad Relationships, tells Bustle. Don’t be scared to bring it up.
3. They’re Rolling In Cliches
One way a person can hint that they’re changing their mind is to start dropping cliches as subtle warning signs. Saying things like “Well, nothing lasts forever” or “What will be will be” may mean they have big picture stuff on their minds. “Ending a relationship doesn’t come easily and it’s normal to have doubts about making the right decision,” relationship coach and therapistAnita Chlipala tells Bustle. “Dropping hints opens the door to see the partner’s reaction and lay the groundwork for a breakup.”
4. There’s No Talk Of The Future
Sure you’ve been planning trips to Paris and saving up for a deposit, but now they’re not bringing up those long-term plans anymore. Maybe they’re not even engaging when you bring them up. If they’ve decided they want to move on, the last thing they’ll want to do is talk about the future.
5. They’re Not Asking About You
“Lack of interest in what is going on with you is a big sign that someone is about to end a relationship,” Rob Alex, who created Sexy Challenges and Mission Date Night with his wife, tells Bustle. “If all of the sudden the person you are in a relationship with stops caring about what’s going on at your work, or things that you enjoy doing, then a flag might be raised.” Especially if someone feels awkward about how to explain they don’t want to be with you, the easiest thing for them may be to just talk with you as little as possible.
6. The Arguments Are Coming
So many of us have picked fights to end a relationship. “One clue that they want to break up would be that they are less patient and more prone to argue,” relationship coach Chris Armstrong tells Bustle. Whether it’s just because they’re feeling tense or hoping you’ll end the relationship for them, it’s an easy-go to if they’ve realized you’re not “The One”, even if it’s completely unfair on you.
7. They’re Really Defensive
A good sign that something’s wrong? “They’ve stopped communicating and get defensive when you point it out,” Danielle Sepulveres, sex educator and author of Losing It: The Semi-Scandalous Story of an Ex-Virgin, tells Bustle. If they’ve decided they don’t want to be in the long haul with you, there’s probably a lot of guilt — guilt that often manifests as defensiveness.
If you feel like someone has changed their mind about how they feel about you in the big picture, it’s OK to gently confront them about it. But the most important thing to remember is that you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. You’ll move on and find someone who will.
Originally posted on Bustle