The holidays are coming, which means it’s a great opportunity to go home and visit your family. It’s lovely, except for one thing: it’s really difficult to have sex when you’re home for the holidays. Maybe it’s the fact that you have the same blanket and comforter on your bed since you were a child. Maybe it’s because nothing is more of a turn-off than hearing your father walking down the hall to use the bathroom when you’re in the middle of getting it on. But if you’ve got a partner with you at home for the holidays — or you’re at your partner’s home — it can be hard to find some time just the two of you to get down.
So what can you do? Well, it’s time to embrace quiet sex. Firstly, having sex on the floor is great to avoid awkward spring noises and bed creaks, so keep that in mind. But it’s a lot easier to have quiet sex if you’re doing it in the right position. Positions where there’s a lot of thrusting or a chance of loosing your balance are going to make a lot more noise than ones that are focused on grinding. In order to your holiday fun time, make sure to try out these positions:
1. In A Chair
How to Do It: First, make sure your chair isn’t creek-y (you can also use a sofa). Then have your partner sit down before you straddle them, use your feet to help ground you, pull them tight, and enjoy the deep penetration.
Why It’s Stealthy: Because you’re so close and the position is more about grinding, you don’t get the normal thrusting noise — even if you do have some fun bouncing around). It’s great for kissing, eye contact, and dirty talk, so be sure to enjoy all three.
2. Legs Up Missionary
How to Do It: Start in missionary, but — slowly— raise your legs up until they’re resting on their shoulders. If you’re not very flexible, make sure to move extra slow.
Why It’s Stealthy: Because of the position of your legs, this is a perfect position for depth . Your legs act like a cushion, so once you get comfortable lay back and enjoy the incredibly intense position.
How to Do It: One of you sits on the edge of the bed— or chair— and the other kneels on the floor. Then it’s all about oral. If you’re the one receiving, don’t be scared to play with your nipples, your partner’s hair, anything.
Why It’s Stealthy: Because the focus is on oral sex (and some fingering if you want), there’s none of the banging and pounding of penetrative sex. Instead, it’s more nuanced, but will all the same stimulation. And a perfect position for a bullet vibrator, if you want something extra.
4. Weak In The Knees
How to Do It: While your partner lays back and relaxes, you straddle their head and slowly lower yourself down. You can control the pressure or they can. I recommend being close to a wall because you might need some help staying upright. It’s a bumpy, but amazing, ride.
Why It’s Stealthy: Because, let’s get real — one of you is having your face sat on. There’s not going to be that much noise. Just a whole lot of fun.
5. Face To Face
How to Do It: Lay down facing each other and get the lube. You’re going to want your pelvis higher than your partner’s on the bed, then wrap your top leg over them and use it to help pull the two of you closer together, guiding them inside of you.
Why It’s Stealthy: It’s an intense, intimate position that’s more about the rocking back and forth and grinding than thrusting. But even though there’s so little movement, there’s lots of deep penetration and connection, so it’s totally worth getting into.
6. Modified Doggy
How to Do It: Lay face down with a pillow under your hips and slightly propped up on your elbows, while they climb on top and enters you from behind. You can also start in doggy style and just sort of fall into it, which can be even sexier.
Why It’s Stealthy: You get all of the fun, animalistic side of doggy, but because you’re closer together there’s less thrusting. That means less awkward bed noise for your great Aunt Kathy to overhear.
How To Do It: While your partner sits cross legged, you lower yourself onto them and wrap your arms and legs around them. This is another position where lube will be your friend. It can be tricky to get into, but it’ll be worth it.
Why It’s Stealthy: It’s as quiet as it gets. You’re basically just Netflix and chilling with them inside you. You get so much penetration and room for clit play — plus the opportunity for loads of eye contact— so you’ll be happy to just relax and enjoy it.
The holidays are a tricky season. Everyone’s stressed, family is coming together, you’re worried about getting coal in your stocking. So make sure you’re making some time to cut lose and get lucky — just make sure you do it quietly.
Originally posted on Bustle