Originally posted on Bustle
How can you tell if the person you’re with is a keeper? It’s totally natural to keep your eyes peeled early on for signs that someone might be a good match for you. For some people, there may even be one trait that sticks out as being more important than the rest.
“You need to look for the random acts of consideration and kindness,” psychologist Nikki Martinez tells Bustle. “These are the things that will last you. For example, my toilet paper and paper towels have been magically refilled since a month into dating my husband.” And kindness is definitely crucial for some, but it may not be the decisive factor for everyone — we all have different ideas of what it means to be a good partner.
A recent AskWomen Reddit thread looked at just that — how do women decide if the person they’re dating seems like they could go the distance? And the results were interesting, because even though there was a huge range in the answers, it all came down to people’s personality. Looks, income, and the more superficial traits just didn’t do it. So what things actually make someone a keeper? Here’s what the folks of AskWomen Reddit had to say about the matter, because being able to own your emotions is key.
1. When There’s Constant Communication
There’s no doubt that communication is important in a relationship. If you find someone you can communicate with in an open, honest, and constructive way, then it can make so many things in your relationship go more smoothly. Plus, it often shows that they’re more in tune with their own emotions, so you won’t have to spend all your time trying to guess how they actually feel.
2. When They’re Confident
A good sense of humor never goes amiss. And confidence, rather than cockiness, can be a really attractive trait.
3. When They’re Emotionally Open
If someone’s not afraid to shower love on the people in their life, you know that you’re not going to be dealing with as much emotional constipation as some people have.
4. When They Can Take Care Of Themselves
At a certain age, you probably don’t want to be spending your time being your partner’s mother. And finding someone who can take care of themselves makes you feel like you’re with an adult.
5. When They Try To See Things Your Way
Yes, empathy is so underrated. If you find someone who really tries to see things from your point of view, that’s amazing. So many arguments come from being stubborn and not being willing to see the other person’s point of view. Even being willing to try is a great sign.
6. When They Treat You Right
Someone going the extra distance for the people you care about can feel pretty amazing.
7. When They Are Genuinely Interested In You
You don’t want someone who is just going to monologue about their life.
8. When They Care About Your Day
Support in a relationship goes both ways — they should want to hear about you and your life. Plus, checking in regularly can make a relationship a lot stronger.
9. When They’re Not Afraid To Take It Slow
For some people, waiting to have sex is important — and that’s OK. You should be with someone who is OK with taking it slow, if that’s what you’re comfortable with.
10. How They Treat Loved Ones
Watching how someone treats their mother or the other women in their life is a pretty good indication of how they’ll treat you.
11. When They Are Oliver Wood
HE IS THE ULTIMATE KEEPER. If you’re not a Harry Potter fan, I apologize. Actually, no. Go read Harry Potter.
There are a lot of different opinions on what makes someone a good match, but as you can see from above, they’re all about the person’s character. It’s not about money or looks. It’s about being a decent, emotionally intelligent person, because that’s what’s going to make a relationship last.