Bi-Curiosity: How To Start Experimenting (And Why You Should)

Originally posted on Bellesa Collective

Having a little bi-curiosity is a great thing, but sadly some people are still embarrassed to embrace it. You definitely shouldn’t be. It can come in many forms. Maybe you’ve just noticed that you check out women more often than you realized. Maybe you’re having full-on fantasies about being with another woman— it doesn’t matter. There’s nothing to feel weird about. So many women have wondered what it would be like to be with another women.

In fact, some research has actually argued that all women are lesbian or bisexual because virtually every woman has the capacity for same-sex attraction. I personally think it’s ridiculous to tell a woman that she isn’t straight if that’s what she knows herself to be. Still, there are plenty of women who are plenty curious about what it’s like to dabble in the sapphic arts. And if you’re one of them, then there’s every reason you should go for it.

The social taboos about lesbianism are, thankfully, lifting. Other people’s close-mindedness is never a good reason to keep you from doing something that you want to do, anyway. Plus, there is so much to explore.

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For some people, it can open the door to a whole other world of their sexuality. The key is just to be open-minded and respectful. As long as you remember that, there’s so much to try and so many different ways to go about it. Here’s what you need to remember.

You’re Not Alone

When I said that a lot of women are curious, it’s not just a turn of phrase. In addition to the study that claimed all women were at least bisexual, there’s also the fact that the most common porn category viewed by women is lesbian porn. And we’re not talking about lesbians watching lesbian porn; it’s the most popular category among all women. So it’s safe to say that a lot of women you know have at least thought about it.

Now, not all of those women are necessarily going to be interested in acting on those fantasies, but you should realize that there’s nothing wrong with having them. In fact, I would encourage every person to act on any bisexual curiosities they might have— because what’s there to lose? If you have a really open relationship with your female friends, you can try asking them if they’ve ever been curious. You might be surprised by what you find.

You Never Know Until You Try

But more than that, there’s no way to predict how you’ll react to something until you try it. I thought I might be interested in women, but it wasn’t until I actually went for it that I realized how true it was. I would have missed out on so much if I hadn’t taken the leap. If you don’t like it? That’s totally fine too. But there’s no point in missing out on what could be a huge part of your sexuality because you’re embarrassed to take the first step.

Also…what they say about the home court advantage is true. Trust me. There are a lot of things that are similar about having sex with a man or a woman, but some are very different. It’s a damn scientific fact that lesbians have more orgasms than anyone else. Do you really want to miss out on all of that fun?

You Know How Not To Be An Assh*le About It

One of the biggest arguments against trying out your sexuality is that you don’t want to use someone for experimentation– and I get that. But you know how not to be a dick about it. As long as you’re open with the person about the fact that you’re inexperienced and not sure and they accept that, there’s no harm done.

I’ve had sex with women who were totally experimenting with their sexuality and may or may not have had sex with a woman again— I’m totally fine with that. I knew what I was getting into. And, the truth is, everyone experiments. We experiment and ‘try out’ every new partner we ever have, even when sexuality doesn’t come into it at all. Sometimes it’s a fit, sometimes it’s not. As long as every person knows what they’re getting into, there’s nothing wrong with it.

There Are So Many Ways To Do It

Acting on your bisexual urges doesn’t have to mean trying to go pick up a random woman in a bar. You can ease in by talking to women on Tinder, or whatever dating app you use. If you’re in a relationship, you can bring it up with your partner and experiment with them. Even though sex is probably the end goal, feel free to move much more slowly. As with anything sexual, it should be about everyone feeling comfortable. Then again, you might be totally ready to just jump straight in there with a strap-on. That’s OK too.

It’s totally natural to feel nervous about experimenting with your sexuality for the first time— I did, so I completely understand. But if you do it right, there’s nothing to lose and so much that you can possibly gain. There’s no point in keeping half of your sexual experience closed to you because you don’t want to make the leap and experiment for the first time. So if you’re feeling curious, there’s every reason to go for it. You never know what you might find.