Originally posted on Bustle
Relationships can be strange. I mean amazing, but strange. You think that you’re just a normal couple, wandering through life, and then suddenly a friend catches you asking your boyfriend to check your nose for boogers and you wonder… how did we get here? Yeah, weird relationship habits sneak up on you.
It doesn’t start out that way. In fact, normally it starts with just the cutesy stuff. Maybe it’s texting in nothing but emojis and code words, but that’s pretty normal. “Sending texts is a good way to let your partner(s) know you are thinking of them,” says Shamyra Howard-Blackburn, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in sex and relationship therapy, tells Bustle. “It can also heighten the suspense on what to expect when you see them again.”
See? Totally normal. Then suddenly it can go beyond the cute and into the… well, into the full-blown weird, booger-checking territory. But I think you need to embrace that— because actually, the weird stuff is normal. In fact, I don’t know any couple that doesn’t have some distinctly strange behaviors or quirks. It’s just part of what makes the two of you who you are as a couple. Some habits are common in a lot of different couples and you probably have some that are totally unique to you.
So don’t worry about quirky habits you guys have. Just check out these ‘weird’ relationship habits that are totally normal:
1. Having Netflix Infidelity Fights
I have had a full blown ~meltdown~ over my girlfriend watching the latest Made in Chelsea episode with her mom… only to be truly shamed when I binge-watched New Girl waiting for a delayed flight at the airport without consulting my girlfriend first. In fact, we’ve probably had more tense conversations about TV viewing than anything else. But we’re just joking, aren’t we? I don’t know anymore. The struggle is real, people.
2. Talking About Poop
I talk about poop all the time. To my friends, to the internet, to my family. You may think it’s weird to talk about it in a relationship, to the same person you have sex with, but it makes life so much easier just to talk about it and acknowledge it.
3. Talking On Social Media… While In The Same Place
Neither my partner nor I are big on social media, but she will occasionally like a photo or tease me on Twitter — from the next room. And some couples are really active on social media.
“Every couple has their own practices for things like social media,” Laurie Davis Edwards, founder of eFlirt and author of Love @ First Click, tells Bustle. “I think it’s about what works best and is most comfortable for you two. Trust in a relationship is so important and, especially for Millennials, I don’t see a reason why you’d want to change what you’re doing on social media if you really trust your partner.”
My girlfriend and I know each other’s passwords and phone codes, but that might not be for everyone.
4. Flirting Like They Just Met
You may think it’s weird to be flirty and silly with someone you’ve known been dating for months or years, but it’s not only normal — it’s super important.
“The most important thing to keep your sex life healthy in a relationship is tokeep the sexual energy simmering in-between the act,” Lauren Brim, a sexual wellness coach and author of The New Rules of Sex, tells Bustle.“This could be commenting when your partner looks extra hot, gently slapping, squeezing or pinching them when you pass them in the kitchen or raising your eyebrows in an ooh-la-la [way] when you see them undressing to jump in the shower. Noticing your partner’s attractiveness will make them feel desired and keep you both wanting each other in bed.”
5. Speaking A Total Nonsense Language
When you get to know each other well, maybe too well, you can stop using normal speech. “Can you pass me the thing with the thing?” is a pretty normal question in our flat and inside jokes are everywhere. In it’s weird way, it’s a form of intimacy.
“From personal and professional experience, I’d suggest couples try to create little surprises to make the other member happy like showing up for a date with your partner’s favorite cookies or bringing a small gift that signifies an inside joke,” Gestalt life coach Nina Rubin tells Bustle. So they’re actually a really good way of bonding.
6. Teasing Each Other
Speaking of, teasing and acting like weirdos is totally normal in a relationship. “Being playful is such an important part of a relationship,” Julienne Derichs, a licensed marriage and family therapist with Couples Counseling Today, tells Bustle. “It helps couples connect, de-stress, and it acts an important repair technique when couples are feeling tense over conflict. Laughter and teasing can help deescalate the conflict and help you remember that you actually like each other.”
7. Asking Weird Body Questions
“Is this a rash or am I dying?” “Look at this ingrown hair!” “Oh my god that blackhead let me squeeze it please!” These are all totally normal things to say in relationships. Just like the poop talk, it may seem counterintuitive that you’d talk about gross body stuff to a person you want to find you sexy, but here we are. It happens.
There are probably as many weird relationships habits out there as there are couples, you’re bound to have some weird ones unique to you. But own them, because no matter how out there they seem, they can be a great sign of intimacy.