What To Do If You Feel Like Doggy Style Doesn’t Work For You

Originally posted on Bustle

In my friend group, having sex doggy style is pretty polarizing. While a lot of people I know love the intensity and the deep penetration, others feel like it’s impersonal or a just a bit too much. But it doesn’t have to be. “I think it helps if there is more intimate touching during this type of sex,” Angela Skurtu, a licensed sex therapist, speaker, author, and president of St. Louis Marriage Therapy, LLC, tells Bustle. “She can turn her head and look back at [her partner] if she is flexible enough, or if they are in front of a mirror, they can look at each other’s eyes this way. All very intimate and sweet.”

That being said, if you don’t feel like doggy style isn’t doing what you need it to, then there’s no reason to keep doing it without enjoying it. But there are a whole lot ways you can try to adjust the position to make it work for you if you haven’t explored it too much yet.

It can be more or less intense, more or less intimate, more or less submissive— it really all depends on what you like. Don’t be afraid to play around in it and find a variation that works for you. Here’s where to start:

1. Modify, Modify, Modify

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All that thrusting can be a lot, but there are a lot of ways to change this position to lower the intensity. First, try staying on your knees but just lowering your chest toward the bed, for a different sensation. If that still doesn’t feel right, try collapsing onto your elbows and putting your chest and hips down on the bed (use a pillow under your hips if it’s uncomfortable). It’s still got that great G-spot stimulation but it’s closer and more intimate.

2. Move It Around

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Try changing your location. If you do doggy style on a sofa, you can brace yourself on the arm of the sofa. This changes the angle and also offers a cushioning if you normally find the thrusting to be too hard.

3. Start Feeling Yourself

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Even though doggy gives great G-spot stimulation, that’s not enough for most women. Most women need clitoral stimulation to get anywhere close to orgasming. But the good news is — it’s really easy to do in doggy. Simply take your free hand and go for it or have your partner stimulate your clitoris.

4. Add A Toy

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Still not enough? Don’t be afraid to bring in the big guns. Adding a vibrator in this position can totally change the sensation and also let you feel less submissive in the position (if being submissive isn’t your thing). A bullet vibrator is an easy way to incorporate a toy, but any of your favorite vibrators will do the trick.

5. Take Control

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Finally, you can totally mix up the dynamics. If you’re someone who feels that it’s too submissive or impersonal, take back control. Have your partner hold still while you move forward and backward at your own pace, looking back to make eye contact with your partner. It’s a great way to tease and to feel take charge, all at once.

Ultimately, if you don’t like doggy style you don’t need to do it— there are so many sex positions out there that you can both enjoy. But make sure to experiment and play around first, because doggy style has way more options than you might realize.