Originally posted on Bustle
Having sex with someone new for the first time can be a little underwhelming. Let’s face it, it can be awkward AF. But that doesn’t mean that you’ll always have awkward sex with that person, it just means you’re still figuring each other out. “Typically, relationships are awkward in the beginning because you’re simply learning one another,” author and relationship expert Alexis Nicole White tells Bustle. “Although it’s often warm and fuzzy in the beginning, this is also the time when an individual must learn not only what to do but what not to do.” So give yourself some time to learn.
And staying within your comfort zone can help with that. It doesn’t mean you can’t have exciting, passionate sex, but it may mean that you don’t want to be balancing on one foot with your ankle behind their ear right off the bat. I mean if you can do it, go for it, but most of us mere mortals just don’t bend that way. Not even close. So staying with positions that are fairly easy to do, where you can really get to know each other, and learn to relax with each other can be a huge help.
Not sure where to start? Here are some positions that will ensure you both have a great time while you learn what each other wants and needs in bed:
1. Coital Alignment Technique
How To Do It: Start in traditional missionary but with their pelvis higher than it normally would be and you a little lower on the bed. For leverage and closeness, wrap your legs around their hips — it should make it really intimate and sexy.
Why It’s Great: Missionary is always a safe bet with a new partner, but this will give you more stimulation, which can be especially helpful if you’re nervous. Plus, it’s a great position for orgasming.
2. On Top (Modified)
How To Do It: Straddle your partner and slowly lower down onto them, but have their back propped against a pillow, the wall, or even a couch. Think cowgirl, but closer.
Why It’s Great: If you want to go for traditional woman on top, you totally should! But if you’re feeling more tentative, this allows you to be in total control but is a bit more personal. And you still have a free hand for clit stimulation.
How To Do It: With you on all fours, spread your knees so your partner can kneel in between your legs. Then you can experiment with how snug you want the fit to be while they enter you from behind.
Why It’s Great: It’s a position that a lot of people love and it allows you to get a sense of their sexual style in a slightly more exciting position. Don’t forget that you can get G-spot and clitoral stimulation, so make sure to explore.
How To Do It: Lay in the classic spoon position, but you’re going to want your hips above theirs. You can help guide them inside you, but don’t be shy with the lube — it can take a few tries!
Why It’s Great: It’s basically a big cuddle as a sex position, so it’s great for getting to know each other, especially if you’re a little nervous. It’s also an amazing position for either of you to provide a little clitoral stimulation— all with really deep penetration.
How To Do It: As they sit cross-legged on the bed, you should slowly lower down on top of them, wrapping your legs and arms around them. You should feel really close, but still comfortable. Don’t worry if it takes a minute to settle in.
Why It’s Great: It’s just a comforting position and, once you get there, you can both relax and enjoy the deep penetration.
6. In A Chair
How To Do It: While your partner sits in a chair, you straddle and sit on them. If you want a more intimate position, face toward them, but feel free to spice things up by facing away from them.
Why It’s Great: If it’s an impromptu, can’t-keep-your-hands-off-of-each-other situation, you may need to think outside the bedroom. This is a racy position while still being easy, so it’s perfect for when you’re getting to know each other.
7. Modified Doggy
How To Do It: Start in regular doggy, but then pitch your weight forward and drop to your elbows. If that feels too complicated or you’re not a fan of doggy, start on your stomach with a pillow under your hips.
Why It’s Great: It’s got all of the amazing stimulation of doggy, but it’s a less intense position — and can feel a lot more intimate. Plus, it requires very deep penetration.
Having sex that’s a little awkward in the beginning is totally normal, and shouldn’t put you off. But while you’re getting to know each other, stick to positions that are sexy but attainable. It’ll be way more fun and the adventurous sex will come — when you’re both ready.