Originally posted on Bustle
You should always feel like equal partners in a relationship, but it’s surprising how frequently it just doesn’t work out that way. Sometimes, one partner gives more than the other. And sometimes, it’s a lot more. In some cases, it’s because they’re less emotionally invested. Maybe they’re still keeping theyir eyes open or rebounding. “If you started dating right after [they] got out of a relationship, chances are you’re the rebound and the placeholder,” New York–based relationship expert and author April Masini tells Bustle. But sometimes, even if they care about you a lot, they may just not be pulling their weight in the relationship. In that case, you may need to reconsider how suitable of a partner they are.
It may be difficult to admit that you’re putting more into the relationship than your partner is. We want to think that they’re just as invested as we are — and are willing to show it. So you may need to cool things off to see if they step up to the plate. “The easiest way to gauge your partner’s interest is to hang back a bit,” relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW tells Bustle. “Are they reaching out and making efforts? If not, the relationship might be more unbalanced than you realize.”
Here’s what you need to keep an eye out for.
1. They Regularly Cancel Or Bail
A relationship isn’t just about one person waiting around. If you find that you’re constantly being cancelled on and your partner is always flaking, they may just not be invested in the same way that you are.
2. They Don’t Make Time For You
Even worse than flaking? Not giving you any time at all. “If your partner feels that you are not necessary or important in their life, they will accord you little of their time in their schedule,” relationship coach and psychic medium Melinda Carver tells Bustle. Sure, it’s important to have independent lives— but they should be able to fit you into them.
3. They Keep You Off To One Side
Part of committing to a relationship means integrating your lives. If you’re willing to integrate but they’re not, that’s a problem. “They will not introduce you to people that are important in their life like friends and family, even though you have been together for some time,” psychologist Nikki Martineztells Bustle. They may just not be as committed as you are.
4. They’re Draining You
I was in a relationship with someone who drained me for way too long. I was basically his on-call therapist and assistant — one-sided is an understatement.“You are with an emotional vampire if you find yourself physically drained,” psychologist, image consultant and dating expert Dr. Jennifer Rhodes tells Bustle. “Emotionally sensitive people and empaths often do not pick up on these cues right away.” But once you realize what’s happening, you shouldn’t put up with it.
5. You Can’t Say How You Feel
You need to be able to be yourself. If you’re just being the version of yourself that you think your partner will like, you’re putting way too much effort into pleasing them.
“If you feel like sharing your own feelings or relying on your partner emotionally will rock the boat, chances are you feel emotionally drained,” life coach Kali Rogers tells Bustle. “You never want to feel like someone’s counselor, but that line can be blurred when there isn’t a 50/50 split on emotional sharing.” Open up and be yourself.
6. They Want It *Their* Way
Their restaurants. Their TV shows. Their schedule. Their everything. “[An emotionally immature] partner expects you to do everything for them,” speaker and spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport tells Bustle. “You may have to ask them multiple times to do something; they may do so grudgingly and possibly make you feel guilty in the process.” Not cool.
7. You’re Getting Resentful
If you’re in a one-sided relationship then it’s probably only a matter of time until you start to resent it. If you feel the resentment building, you may want to look at why.
One-sided relationships can go on for a while, but they’re not sustainable. Keep an eye out for the signs and see if they’re willing to make the effort. If they’re not, then you may need to reconsider the relationship.