Originally posted on Bustle
If you’re rushing into a relationship, chances are you don’t want to see the signs. Normally we’re moving too fast because we’re trying to get over someone, we’re scared of being alone, or any number of issues that make us feel more comfortable being paired up. But rushing is never the answer — and often will lead to bigger relationship problems down the line.
You need to have enough time just being together, proper downtime, to make sure that you’re actually compatible. “Whether it’s pillow talk, dinner conversation or time on the couch while watching TV, give yourselves plenty of time to talk about what you think and how things are going,” Tina B. Tessina, aka Dr. Romance, psychotherapist and author of Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences, tells Bustle. If you don’t make sure that you’re actually good together, you may end up having rushed through a bunch of relationship stages to find that you’re very attached to each other — but without a very strong foundation. You can save yourself a lot of heartache if you move slowly and make sure that it’s really working between the two of you before you invest too much time and energy.
Here are the signs that you’re rushing:
1. You’re Not Comfortable With Them
If things are moving too fast, you may have not gotten used to being yourself around your partner. “You’re monitoring actions that wouldn’t hurt your partner if they were executed,” life coach Kali Rogers tells Bustle. “For example, things like not taking off your makeup, fully speaking your mind or sharing your opinions.” You want to cover all of those milestones before you define the relationship.
2. You’re Making Moves For Financial Reasons
Money may be tight, but it should never be a reason for rushing things in a relationship. If you’re moving in for the money reasons rather than actually being ready, that’s risky. “Moving in together creates a lot of pressure for a new relationship, and has extreme consequences if it doesn’t work out,” Rogers says. “You could lose thousands of dollars, fight over personal belongings, and get in trouble with landlords, etc., if things go south.”
3. The L-Bomb Comes Out Of Nowhere
You may be having some strong feelings at the beginning— but you want to make sure it’s really love before you say anything. “You should never rush … saying “I love you,” BetterHelp telehealth counselor and psychologist Nikki Martinez tells Bustle. If one of you drops it before you’ve gotten a chance to really know each other, it may be more lust than love.
4. You Share Too Much Too Quickly
Give yourself some time to make sure you trust someone. “I don’t care how well-adjusted you are, it takes time for a human being to earn another human being’s deep trust,” Healing Arts New York, tells Bustle. “If you expect that bond to happen immediately, you will likely be disappointed.” If you find yourself spilling out all of your secrets early on, you’re probably rushing things.
6. You’re Not Getting Advice
If the relationship is moving pretty quickly and they haven’t met your friends yet, make sure that you’re not rushing things. It could be a sign you’re not making time for things that are important to you. Plus, you want some input from other people who are important to you — it helps put things in perspective.
7. You Keep Being Surprised About Things
Suddenly you hear that they have a brother or lived in Venezuela or speak another language. It’s always interesting getting to know someone, but if you’ve already taken big steps like defining the relationship and you’re still getting shocked by what you learn, you may want to slow things down.
It’s easy to get rush in a relationship, but it can also be dangerous. If you want a relationship to last, be OK with things moving gradually. Know the signs of moving too fast and don’t be scared to ask to slow things down. It’ll be worth it in the long run.