Originally posted on Bustle
Going through a dry spell can feel like torture if you’re a really sexual person — but what actually constitutes a dry spell ? I once drove my friends nuts by informing them exactly how long it was since I had had sex, when I was going through my longest dry spell (nine horrific months, if you’re wondering). For me, longer than a week or two and I’m probably complaining — but some of my friends can happily go a month or two, maybe longer, with no sex or masturbation. It’s not something to stress about.
“A healthy sex drive is different for each person,” Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, tells Bustle. “Overall, it’s when we feel balanced in our desire (it feels good to us, as opposed to something being off whether too high or low) and sexually fulfilled whether it’s alone or with a partner.”
But still, it’s fascinating to see what people consider a long time without having sex. That’s exactly what a recent Ask Reddit thread called “How long is a long time to go without sex?” asked, and the results were varied — really varied. It’s a good reminder that you should never feel weird about your sex drive, because there is no “normal” one to have. And you’ll see that even more so below by how different some of the responses were:
1. The First Time
It is kind of true that, in my experience at least, you don’t really realize what you’re missing until you start having it. Then it becomes really difficult to go without.
2. There’s No Right Answer
Too true. You just want to try someone who’s sex drive is in line with yours — or come up with a compromise — because there is no one-size-fits-all approach.
3. Science Fact
Dry spells aren’t always bad, sometimes they give you a chance to get back in touch with yourself. And if you’re not great with your hands, a toy can always help.
4. In A Relationship, Maybe Six Weeks
Six weeks sounds like a long time to me, especially when you’re in a close relationship where you touch base regularly, but I have friends who go for way longer.
5. 8 Days
It’s specific, but I like it.
6. Every Week Seems Like An Eternity
This histrionics in this response are incredible — like an eeeeternity. But also, I’m the kind of person who complains after like three days, so who am I to talk?
7. A Week Or 2
8. An Entire Year
I mean, I think an entire year would definitely fall under many people’s definition of a long time, unless you fall on the asexuality spectrum. I’ve gotten close, but never quite made it an entire year.
9. A Philosophical Approach
I don’t know what any of this means, but I appreciate the effort.
10. Two Weeks
No, not a nympho. Just someone with a healthy sexual appetite. For some, two weeks is long enough to be climbing the walls.
11. A Week
It’s nice to know that I’m not the only person who gets antsy after this long. Especially if my period is due, basically 90 percent of my day is spend having sexual fantasies and trying to look productive.
12. A Few Days
I like that this person doesn’t clarify if they’re single or in a relationship, but either way it looks like another healthy sex drive.
13. A Month
I told you, so many people understand how subjective it is. It’s great to see people embracing the idea that there’s a healthy diversity of sex drives and that there’s nothing wrong with that.
14. An Important Reminder: Sex Drives Aren’t Gendered
OK, this is clearly tongue-in-cheek but one quick thing: sex drives are not gendered. For those at the back: SEX DRIVES ARE NOT GENDERED. Some women have high sex drives, some men have low sex drives. I don’t know about redditors.
Having children is no joke.
So when it comes to going through a dry spell, it’s all about what feels like a long time for you. Whether it’s a few days or over a year, everyone has different sex drives — and that’s totally cool.