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Were You Meant To Be Single? That’s OK

I’m just going to say it: some people were meant to be single. Not that they couldn’t fine someone if they wanted— but for some people they want to be single and they’re happier that way. In a society that pushes coupledom in every book, movie, and advertisement, it can be hard to accept. It’s pathetic how much we try to make people feel like they’re doing something wrong for being on their own. Because there’s nothing wrong with staying single and, for some, it’s definitely the right fit.

“To some, concluding that you were ‘meant to be singlemeant to be single‘ may sound like a bad thing. Not to me. I’d just change the wording – I think I’m single at heart,” says Dr Bella Depaulo, who has done extensive research on the benefits of flying solo. “I love living single (except for the singlism) and never did have those reveries about some lavish wedding with the bridesmaids and the big white dress. To be single at heart, I think, means that you see yourself as single. Your life may or may not include the occasional romantic relationship, and you may or may not live alone or want to live alone, but you don’t aspire to live as part of a couple (married or otherwise) for the long term.”

Why is it so important? Well, we pressure too many people into being in relationships— and, let’s be honest, everyone should know how to be independent.

Everyone Should Be Happy Single

OK, so maybe not permanently— but at least for a while. Being in a relationship can be great and that the right option for many. But it’s still important for everyone to be happy single, at least for a while. Whether you want to be in a relationship or not, being happy single means that you’re secure, independent, and won’t get into a relationship for the wrong reasons. It keeps you grounded and boosts your confidence. If you find being single difficult and are desperate to get into a relationship, it’s time to start focusing on yourself. Look at what’s making you unhappy and spend some real time on self-improvement. Once you feel great on your own, you can decide whether or not a relationship is right for you.

And It Might Be Forever

It may just be that you want to stay single— for a lot of reasons. If you don’t like being beholden to anyone, if you don’t like to plan for the future, if you feel like your job, your passions, or your friends are your number one priority, there’s nothing wrong with choosing to stay on your own. In fact, some studies have shown greater fulfillment levels for single people than those in relationships. So we need to stop thinking of it as a sign of loneliness or because someone isn’t desirable. Sometimes, being single is just a sign of being an effing amazing person all on your own and having your priorities set in a direction. What’s wrong with that? Maybe you’ll date around, maybe you won’t. But you’ll always go back to that independent life.

There’s a tendency to villainize or patronize single people that is so freaking annoying. Being single is a legitimate choice that allows so many to flourish. If you feel uncomfortable being single, make sure that you try it for a while and learn to be happy on your own. You may find that you like it to much you never want to change it— and that’s totally OK.

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