Whether you’re in a new relationship or years in, it’s totally normally to for your sex life to take a nosedive once in a while. Maybe because of external factors, maybe because of something in your relationship. Don’t feel badly, because it’s so common. But the important thing is to tackle it head on, before your rut turns into something more.
Now, the basis for having a strong sex life is having a strong connection generally— and that means making time for each other. “Put a Weekly Date Night on Your Calendar,” Lisa Thomas, LMFT Licensed Relationship & Sex Therapist, writes in Psychology Today. “You’ve probably heard this before, but with good reason: This tip alone has contributed to saving my marriage and my sex life, and that of many others. This weekly time for my husband and I to go to dinner and talk has helped to keep us connected with each other’s lives. The point of date night is to have some uninterrupted time that is precious to hang out with the one you love. At these dinners, I have heard about his hopes, dreams, and goals. I’ve learned who he works with and about the politics in his office. I’ve heard about his struggles and gained an understanding of my ability to help him. We are very different on a date than we are in our house.”
Whether you’re married or not, this is good advice. You need to make sure that you’re strong as a couple— or else you’re going to have real problems getting your sex life back on track. Once you’ve got that covered, here’s what you should do:
Schedule It In
Yes, you’re not always in the mood to have sex. Sometimes you’re tired, sometimes you’re stressed, sometimes you ate 7 slices of extra cheese pizza because you know how to have a good Tuesday. But scheduling in sex and sticking to that schedule can really help. You never should push yourself to have that you’re not comfortable with, obviously, but often times once things start up you find yourself getting into the mood. So make the effort and see if you feel like it once things get moving.
The only real way to get out of a rut is to change something. If everything stays the same, why would it get any better? So if scheduling doesn’t work for you, change something about your sex life. Try sex in the living room, try a new toy, a new position, a new fantasy— just something new. It provides a little jump start into the relationship.
Make It A Regular Part Of Conversation
My partner and I regularly discuss our sex life, whether we’re going at it all the time or less than normal. It can feel like a weird thing to discuss at first but, once you get used to it, it’s so beneficial. It keeps thing from building up and becoming too awkward to fix. Avoidance is never the answer— and keeping the conversation flowing means that it won’t ever get that bad.
A dry spell can be difficult to handle, because we don’t like addressing these issues head on. But by making time for each other, mixing up your sex life, and keeping the communication open, there’s no reason you can’t get things back on track.