Sometimes it hard to know if they want to see you again or if they were just being polite. Sure, there are times when it’s really obvious that you hit it off— or really obvious that you didn’t— but things aren’t always so clear. So say the first date was… fine. It was OK. I mean, maybe it was a little awkward, but you laughed a few times, right? And the silences weren’t that long. You both said you should do it again, you hugged in a sort of weird back-patting competition way. How do you know if they really want a second date? And how do you really know if you do?
It’s way too easy to go back and overthink a date and replay every little interaction to see if you guys should meet up again. But that ends up being a huge waste of your mental energy— not to mention your time. So it’s always a lot easier to just be direct. But in this case you have to direct with both you and the person you went on the date on. It can be uncomfortable, but it’s so much better to deal with it upfront than to be left wondering as things fizzle out.
Decide What You Want
Firstly, remember there’s no second date unless you want there to be. None. So the first step is to decide if you want to see this person again. Because if not, what’s the point in worrying about it or trying to work out what they’re thinking? So think it through. Did you guys click? Did it seem like you were looking for the same thing? Were you attracted to them? Just do a quick run through in your head. There’s no right or wrong answer. If you didn’t get a good vibe and there’s no special reason to give them a second chance, then just let it go. But if you want to see them again, you need to be direct with them.
Talk To Them Directly
First of all, how did you end the date? If they referred to actual dates and times, that’s a good sign. There’s a big difference between the polite “We should do this again.” and “We should do this again, are you free next Tuesday or Wednesday?” If they were specific, it’s more likely that they were trying to get something in the calendar.
But if they weren’t specific, then the best thing to do is just to put it out there. Drop them a message saying, “Hey, it was really great to meet you. Any chance you’re free next week to grab that second drink? No worries if you’re not interested, just let me know either way!”. If they’re interested, they should give you a fairly quick reply. If they’re not interested and polite, they should still give you a reply. Because you choose to be direct with them, they should be direct back. And if you haven’t heard from them in a few days feel free to either follow up or drop it— don’t feel bad about it, because we’ve all been there. There’s no point in chasing up someone who isn’t interested in you when there are so many other options. You can find someone who will be excited to see you again, so don’t put up with too much flakiness.
Early dates can be an awkward time, because you can never tell if someone is being sincere or wants to see you again. So just be direct and mature about it. Remember, everyone’s been blown off after a date, but there are so many more where they came from.