Rebounding is a tricky business. How long does it take to move on? Is it better to cut out all sex and dating until you’re in a better headspace? Does getting under someone really help you get over someone? It can be hard to tell what you should do. And while some people have hard and fast rules about these things— like giving yourself half the length of the relationship to help you move on— it’s really important that you take a more holistic view. There is no correct answer, no hidden formula. You need to look at a lot of factors, like the length of the relationship, the circumstances around the breakup, your personal dating history, and, more than anything else, look at how you’re feeling.
If you’re someone who has always been cool having casual sex then, yes, a one night stand may be a great solution. It can help you cut loose and feel totally free and independent again. But if you’re someone who can’t so much as drunkenly kiss someone without staring at your phone for hours waiting for them to text, do you really think that a random hookup is going to be the solution? So when it comes to how long you should wait, you have to remember that it’s more about the feeling than the timing.
You Have To Like Being Single Again
Because, ultimately, I think there’s only one right answer to that question— you should give yourself however long it takes for you to be happy being single again. Maybe that feeling will be almost immediate, maybe it’ll take months. But you need to make sure that you’re OK being on your own before you even think about moving on. If you don’t, then you can end up moving on for the wrong reasons.
If you’re missing your ex, if you’re feeling lonely, if you’re just feeling like you can’t function on your own— any of those will inform your next relationship. They’ll make you go for people who aren’t right for you. They’ll make you think that they are. It’s amazing what we can convince ourselves of when we don’t want to be on our own. So you have to deal with feeling uncomfortable, feeling angry, feeling all by yourself. Sit with it. Learn to deal with it. And then let it go. Once you’ve done that, then you’re ready to move on. If you want to have sex or not during that period is totally down to your own personality.
Getting over someone is never going to have a clear blue print. It’ll take you a lot longer if you dated for 7 years and were cheated on than it will if it was a six-month relationship that ended amicably. But, ultimately, you just need to wait until you’re happy just being you again. Then if a relationship comes into your life it will be for the right reasons.