My friend has been Tinder messaging with someone for three months. Three. Months. And yet not once has she wondered, “Should I ask him out?”. Even though in some ways we’ve come so far in terms of dating equality, it’s amazing what a strong hold this idea of men doing the asking has over people. Young, feminist, successful women, still don’t want suggest a drink— even though the guys they’re talking to would often be damn lucky to be asked by them. But the hangover of societal norms and gender roles really seems to have a grip over us in that department.
And it’s a shame, because so much good comes of asking a dude out. Seriously, the numbers don’t lie— OKCupid found that when women messaged a man first there was a 30 percent chance of it turning into a date, compared to just a 12 percent success rate when men send the first message. Not only that, people tend to message people who are hotter than they are (true story), so if you’re the one asking then you’re more likely to get dates… with hotter people. Sounds like a win-win to me.
But asking someone out is such an easy area to overthink and talk yourself into a frenzy. Here’s how you avoid it and just go for it:
Remember That They Want You To
They’re messaging you. They’ve been chatting to you. The end point of this is to go out with you. It’s almost certain that’s what they want to do. If not, you might as well find out now. Plus, studies have found that more men wanted to do the asking than was actually happening— and of course they would be, because it’s not fun for them having to do the asking either. So it’s time we step up to the plate.
It’s Really Not That Hard
Repeat after me: “Should we grab a drink?” It’s literally all you need to say. There’s no code, no secret, no skill involved. I know it’s something that you can easily work yourself up and start panicking about— I did too, when I was getting more used to it. But it’s like pulling off a band-aid. You just have to say it and then it will suddenly all be over. Except you’ll have a date instead of a scab, hopefully.
It’s Empowering AF
It’s not that asking a guy out is this magical , life-changing experience, but there’s something nice about just going for it rather than just waiting for life to happen to you. Why should it be their decision how long you have to sit around before something happens, when you can make something happen. I started asking people out because I wanted to go out with people— and I was sick of waiting. And you know what? It was great. And also served me well for when I started dating women, because if we had both been waiting around for a man to set up a date for us, if would have been some time.
It’s amazing that only one in ten women still make the first move. That’s a whole lot of women sitting around hoping to be asked out. And because it’s 2017, let’s stop this. It takes a simple sentence and just a few seconds to ask someone out— and then you won’t have to just sit around waiting. It’s totally worth it to take the agency back in your own life, so just go for it.