Even someone who is really comfortable dating sometimes overthinks a date. But it’s totally normal to be nervous, so the line between just feeling a little anxious and actually overthinking a date can be a little confusing. But somewhere between double checking that you’re still meeting and up and getting lost six months into their Instagram page to see if they really like you or if it’s just a trick and you’re going to end up covered in pig’s blood, you’ve moved into overthinking territory.
And the things is, when we overthink and second-guess, we stop acting like ourselves. It makes us nervous, defensive, and sometimes just plan weird. I’ve acted like a totally different person on a date because I’ve overthought it so much that I’ve whipped the whole situation into something so much more complicated than it actually is. So we need to learn to breath our way through it and come back down to earth. But the first step to doing that is to realize that we’re overthinking it in the first place. And that can be harder than it sounds— because we’re going to keep looking for excuses to justify our behavior. Nobody wants to admit that they’re spiraling into a totally illogical place. But we all do it, so it’s nothing to feel embarrassed about.
So how do you know? Here are some of the signs you’re overthinking it, because you need to stop coming up with excuses not to go.
You’re Talking Yourself Out Of It
If you’re coming up with a million reasons why you shouldn’t be going on the date in the first place, you’re definitely overthinking it. There is nothing to be scared of— it’s just a date. It can last 30 minutes. You never have to see them again. So try to stop making it bigger than it is.
You Haven’t Dated In A While
I’m far more likely to overthink things when it’s been a while since I’ve gone on a date. It seems like a bigger deal then if you’re going on them all the time. So remember it’s not THE date, it’s just a date.
You’ve Analyzed Their Text Messages Beyond Recognition
If you convince yourself that them saying, “I’m looking forward to it!” means that they want to marry you or that they secretly hate you, you need to put the phone down. It’s totally normal to go over a text when your friends and talk about the message— but you need to leave it there. Normally the messages are straightforward and nothing to fret about. They aren’t speaking in code, I promise.
You’ve Planned Your Future Wedding— Or Future Demise
The truth is, your date will probably be fine. Just fine. Most dates aren’t amazing or terrible, they’re just somewhere in the middle. If you’ve convinced yourself that this person is definitely your soul mate— or that they’re going to walk out as soon as they see you— you’re definitely putting too much though into it. You have the occasional date that is incredible (or awful), but most of my dates have just been a bit blah.
Don’t feel badly if you’re nervous before a date. Everybody gets nervous. But if it moves onto a frenzy, you need to chill the eff out. You’re not going to give the best impression of yourself if you’re reading into every detail and freaking yourself out. So try to relax and remember— it’s just a date.