Originally posted in Cosmopolitan.
If you’re in the middle of a summer fling, you’re not alone. Something about the sun being out makes everyone feel more care-free and up for something casual.
“A fling is often synonymous with summer,” relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein tells Cosmopolitan UK. “People often have different schedules, are travelling, or in some other transient situation which tends to breed more casual relationships. I think that most people start things up in the summer assuming that it’s going to be a fling. However, there are plenty of situations where a fling turns into something more.”
If your summer fling is starting to feel a little more serious, it can be confusing. DW, it happens to the best of us. The more time you spend together, the more you notice your feelings starting to change. At the same time, you obvs don’t want to ruin what you have.
So how do you know if they feel the same way and if your summer fling is really something potentially more serious? Here are the signs to look for.
1. You want something more
“Your first task is to figure out if you want something more,” Aimee says. Something more serious doesn’t just happen to you. If you realise you’re feeling more strongly about this person, take note. It can come out in a lot of different ways. Maybe you’re jealous about the idea of them with others, you want to introduce them to people in your life, or you’re just sharing things with them that you’d never share with a random fling.
2. Look at how they treat you
“Even in a fling, you should expect to be treated with kindness and respect,” Aimee explains. “However, if it starts to feel romantic or serious, there’s a good chance that they also might want more.” You can tell if this is the case by seeing if the way you feel is reflected back at you. If they seem to want to spend more time together, make romantic gestures, and hang around for far more than a hook-up as they may be interested in taking it to the next level.
3. There’s talk about the future
If it’s a real fling, there’s an end date. Even if you don’t know exactly when that is, there’s a sense that it won’t be going on for too long… so you’re not going to be making many plans in advance. But if you’re starting to talk about weeks or months down the line, that’s a sign things are getting more serious.
4. You’re hanging out with each other’s friends
Being casual means you only take up a small part of each other’s lives — the part related to sex, really. If you start joining in more social activities with each other, that’s definitely heading towards date territory. And a bonus tip: If you’re hanging out with each other’s
friends, you can always see how they introduce you and act toward you in front of other people. That’s always way more telling than how they act one-on-one.
5. They want to talk about the “us” factor
If somebody is trying to feel out where you stand, there’s probably a reason why. So if they keep driving conversation back to the two of you (what you’re doing together and if you’re both happy with the situation) it may be that they’re feeling different and want to get something off of their chest. And that’s a good thing. “As in most situations, the best thing to do is have a conversation with them outright about it and see,” Aimee says. That way, you can clear up any doubt.
At the end of the day, there’s no point in keeping it casual if you find you both want something more. Pay attention to the signs and make sure you’re being honest with yourself about what you want. Good chemistry is hard to find, and just because it’s summer, doesn’t mean it has to stay a fling.